RELATIONSHIPS, The Honesty of it All?

relationships

Relationships are tricky.  Whether it’s just friends, best friends, family or romantic relationships, they are very tricky.  Every guru will tell you communication is key.  Some of us, who are not considered gurus even know how to say that communication is key but somewhere between what we say, what we do is vastly different.  As simplistic as it seems and sounds, communication doesn’t occur.

We tend to forget to say things we assume the other person to know.  We forget to tell our friend, “thank you”, “I appreciate you”, “you’re welcome” and so forth.  We easily take our significant others for granted, not telling them’ “I love you”, “you look nice”, “I missed you” and “you matter.”  Of course, we all know the cliché behind assuming but it doesn’t stop us from doing it.  We tend to assume how people feel based on ourselves, our fears, thoughts, ideas and our own way of thinking.  In doing so, often we are wrong, ill-informed and the actions one takes are detrimental, crucial and sometimes irreversible.   It would be better to ask, get clarity rather than to do the former.  Ironically though, more people move, take actions, and make decisions based on their assumptions.  Fear of conflict, confrontation and the possibility of awkwardness makes one more inclined to go along with the status quo but at the same time leave his or herself.

Relationships require compromise, but that compromise shouldn’t be yourself, the essence of who you are, what you believe and your character.  Without the freedom to speak up for yourself, or to be honesty with the people you are closet to, you will lose yourself in their ideas and thoughts.  It’s never healthy to agree or go along with every thought or idea that another has.  Disagreeing is healthy.  You are exposed to new things, thoughts and concepts and in any type of relationship, you are exposed to the possibility of getting closer to one another.  Simply put, if you can’t be honest with a person that you call a friend, family member, or lover then you really don’t have a relationship.

Relationships at their best include times of greatness and times of awkwardness.  Good times, bad times and even a few ugly moments. My motto is, “until we can disagree, get upset and make up, then we really aren’t friends”.  There is no foundation in the relationship to stand on until those things occur.  Anyone can be happy or get along when you agree on everything, it’s in the conflict of a disagreement that you learn about people, who they are, who they are not and what you can and should expect from them.

Relationships are great, very important, and the healthy ones are based on honesty.  Having said that, remember, remain honest with yourself and others, it’s the only one to have and establish great relationships.  A relationship that can’t take honesty, isn’t real or worth having.

Kimberly Davis

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LEADERSHIP IN THE WORKPLACE, LEAVES MUCH TO BE DESIRED

The ability to influence people is subjective and wide spread.  Influence is based on the needs, desires, attitudes of people which cannot be pre-determined.  Equally so, people that require leadership are not always accurate about what they need in a leader.  I’m amazed, shocked, and sometimes disappointed at the people that are promoted and followed on social media threads.  Some people may even feel that way about me and my blog, after all, opinions are abundant and often expressed.  The thing that concerns me is that not all of those with influence use it responsibly or use it wisely.

Unfortunately, I’ve worked with numerous people and under diverse leadership, some of which has embarrassed me immensely.  Seriously, some of the people that I’ve worked with or for make me question my very influence and mindset.  Their ignorance is my motivation for ensuring I’m not an employee (even if it is contract) for the rest of my life and hopefully to pass that on to my next generation.

Leadership in the workplace is becoming increasingly abusive, invasive, rude and bias.  It’s quite concerning.  When people stop thinking or being concerned about people as “individuals”, it’s dangerous to society.  Unfortunately, whether we want to admit it or not, we don’t see people as individuals but a collective body according to race, ethnicity and our “hood”.  Yep, I said, “hood”, short for neighborhood, although when most people hear that term, their thoughts turn to that of African-American Community.  However, most people are prejudiced by their immediate influences.  Their ideas about how a person functions, thinks, operates are based upon their own without the option to consider, entertain or even understand the diverse cultures, ethnicities that live and work in the U.S.

The culture of a company is determined by the leaders and managers as well as owners.  When leadership is closed to the cultures that it serves, the treatment of employees becomes abusive.  There is a niche of small companies that continue to run through employees like running water.  Unfortunately, these companies hire quickly, pay decently (not market but better than minimum) which is why they attract employees.   On the flip side, they replace quickly, leave too many employees feeling doubt and ruin the workforce.

There was a time when leadership went through training to learn how to lead and now it’s just a matter of having the ‘financial means’ to be in charge places one in a leadership position, whether he or she is fit to walk in those shoes or not.  Leadership in the workplace impacts the confidence and not to mention the livelihood of employees.

Leadership has a responsibility to treat people with respect without leaning toward our own prejudices and fears against diverse cultures.  Leadership should always attend workshops, get understanding and knowledge from Human Resource professionals to ensure that they continue to grow as people and as leaders.

  • Be open to learning and gaining an understanding about how people think individual and not lump them in categories based on ethnicity.
  • Remember that most of the ideas we have about other cultures is biased and based on the things the media portrays.
  • Be open to learning people
  • Do not allow the pains from the past to control future decisions – As an employer, you will always have employees that have to be fired, that may hurt your business or even cause your business problems, but it is more important to not allow those employees to change, alter or hurt current and/or future employees.
  • Treat people the way that you would like them to treat you, even if you feel you have more power or means than the people you employ.

Leadership requires people to think beyond their feelings.  Too often leaders don’t do that.  The greatest resource is human resource and mistreatment of human resources means that your business will suffer eventually.