CHANGE sharing my original acronym

Dr King

CHANGE AGENT

Correcting Habitual Actions to Nurture Great Expectations!

I wrote a post awhile back on this blog about being the “Queen of questions”.  Honestly, the things I do are things I am passionate about!  When I speak my thoughts, my ideas, I’m extremely powerful, passionate, convincing because it is my intent, my thought, my motive to never speak unless I’m sure; to not lead unless I’m led.  I say that, because even in business, my LLC is called the “Queen ‘B’ of doing Business Better”, and God speaks to me and through me in acronyms.  I told my husband that I will be known as the ‘Queen of acronyms’.   Acronyms are memorable and when they have a great meaning can live forever.  Today, we will talk about change.  I’m a writer and this acronym will be presented again in my moments of mediation devotional as well but as I’ve stated above, give you a different meaning and perspective.

The daughter of a philosopher, that’s what I call my Dad.  He wouldn’t describe himself that way, but that’s just one of the adjectives I would use for him.  My mother, is the encourager and again, one word of many to describe her!  As the daughter of that combination, I feel God speaks to me very colorful, memorable and passionately.  Neither of my parents were soft spoken nor unrememberable and neither am I.  Having said that, through the encounters of life, I’ve been blessed to be transparent, open and verbal about the things I learned, am learning and hope to gain.

CHANGE is just one of the many acronyms, you will hear from me if you follow any of my writings.  Whether it be a book, devotional, blog, business blog, moment of mediation, tweet or Facebook post; the goal is to challenge, inspire, encourage, provoke thought and initiate change.

Before I heard, the message my Pastor preached about being a Change Agent, I have been one.  I wasn’t always comfortable with that status because to initiate and encourage change means to be outspoken, standing out in the crowd, having all the attention on you, to take a chance, the risk of being outcast, the risk of trouble, being laughed at or embarrassed and yes, being rejected.  I notice that when I was younger, I was far less concerned with the latter parts of being a change agent, like ‘what people thought’.  It wasn’t until I got older and had some falls/tumbles in life, that the thought of people began to matter.  You know the kind of fall from which we feel we cannot recover?  Trying to live in the shadows didn’t work well for me for obvious reasons and even then, I was changing the ideas, thoughts and patterns of others from behind the scenes while they took credit for work and thoughts that were not their own.

CHANGE! So much must be shared, said, thought, discussed about this even without my acronym.  Do you know how many people seek change but do not want it?  Do you know how often this word is used, discussed and thrown around frivolously?  You can’t imagine the unrealistic expectations that accompany this word (I had some of my own about and for myself, personally)?  CHANGE is a gift, change is required to live.  Change is diverse in meaning depending on the viewer of it, change can be radical, subtly, variable and unmeasurable.  CHANGE!  Change is so diverse that politically that many of the same people voted for #45 that voted for President Obama both terms prior.  CHANGE!

As an agent of change, I’m a reflective person.  The end of the year me, beginning in the last quarter of the year (that’s the accountant in me) is spent reflecting on what has and has not being accomplished.  Going deeper, I review the people, issues, things around me that prohibited, contributed or distracted me from reaching goals, while accessing the time I have left in the year to really make a positive impact on the year to come.  REAL CHANGE, as real as it can get begins with knowing realistically, accepting and understanding where you are: in life, as it relates to your goals n dreams, with people, finances, your social circle and spiritually.  You cannot CHANGE or affect the future if you don’t understand the past!  Notice I said understand the past, that’s another topic, book, discussion for later (UNDERSTANDING IS EVERYTHING!).

Without reflection, one will continue to behave, respond, move, conduct business, engage with one another in the same manner he or she has done in the past.  It’s not until you are exposed that what you are doing could be ineffective or that your actions are producing the results you least desire; that one will even consider the notion of change.  I am ashamed of how many things I’ve endorsed, promoted, encouraged in my past that I now fully understand were not only ignorant but caused me some of my greatest disappointments in life!  Reflection of myself (not others, aka known as excuses and placing blame) allowed me to review my actions, correct behavioral patterns or should I say, identify behavioral patterns that weren’t conducive.  Some people reflect and find people to blame their shortcomings and downfalls; don’t get me wrong, your crowd matters but nothing can be the entire fault of another person, people can only do what you allow.  Reflection can and will reveal people that aren’t conducive for you and your future, but it again your future, your success is based on your actions! This acronym for change helps one examine just that, your actions and your patterns.

So, as I debut my original acronym for the word CHANGE, post 1 of many more to come; I hope it helps you to identify patterns, behaviors, ideas, concepts and things you can change to get the desired results you seek in 2018.

 

Queen of Questions

Queen of Acronyms

Queen “B” of doing Business Better

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CHOICES & CONSEQUENCES: the POWER OF YOUR WORDS!

Words 2

In an attempt to not be too preachy as it relates to my blog, but as a believer of the Word and a Minister of the Gospel; it’s hard not to refer to Word of God in certain situations.  The “D” Bible verse, (known to my students) says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue and he that loveth shall eat the fruit thereof” ~Proverbs 18:21.  The words we choose to speak are crucial!  Words are our thoughts; we believe our thoughts and our thoughts become our actions.

The choices made on how one describe his or herself, the words one speaks about his or herself as well as the words one speaks to others makes all the difference in the way you view and handle situations and circumstances.   It begins with our hearing the words we hear consistently develop our belief system.  If one hears negative things consistently he or she becomes a product of that environment.  He or she will speak to others and express him or herself in negative terms because it will become their normal.  It is the same way he or she will treat and deal with others unless he or she is successful exposed and accepts a better or different way to express his or herself.  Whatever a person’s normal is (be it negative or positive), based on what you have become accustomed to hearing, it is that sense of normalcy a person will seek from others.

The way one speaks is taught behavior that extends beyond the simple choice of words but registers in the mindset of the individual speaking.  The words become the way one thinks, perceives others and the way he or she processes everyday activity.  Have you ever known someone that no matter what or how something is said; can always see the bad?  That person seems to make everything black or white, wrong or right, for me or against me?  He or she is a product of their environment.  Words are soooooo vitally important.  The choice of words began by the way we teach our children and grows from there.  I know someone that I love dearly and that person can only speak, enjoy themselves if they are speaking about something in a negative fashion.  Sounds creepy huh?  It’s not.  For example, this person will only tell you things that they don’t like.  So if you suggest going here, their statement is; “I don’t like crowds.”  There is never an alternative suggestion offered and if you bring up something that they enjoy, they will agree and that’s that.  No additional comments on how much they like doing this or that; but if there is a negative story of any type, that person will share it until it cannot be shared anymore.

The decisions/choices one makes are based on the thoughts entertained.  People who tend to view things from a negative perspective have been taught to do so by either the repetitive hearing or the things that the individual encounters and in most cases a combination of both.  Often the two can reinforce one another. Hearing negative and having negative occur completes a negative picture of their life based on reality for that individual.  The thing is that picture of his or herself; is dismal and not completely true and a half truth is always a whole lie.  Good and bad things happen to everyone but when your perception is defined by the negativity one will always and often see his or herself through the eyes of being a victim, smaller than the problem, unable to overcome, and the forever underdog.

Although we cannot see words, we can see the affect that words have on one another as well as ourself.  It will limit or hinder that things and people one will expose his or herself; it stops the progress of growing making one stagnant and bitter.  Words build low self-esteem or they can promote great self-esteem.  Words fuel love or they can fuel hate.  Words are powerful and since everyone has a voice, has the ability to use them, we must be careful as to how  we use them.

  • Be slow to speak, especially when you are angry. Even when you don’t mean to, speaking harshly is always remembered.  While you can apologize, you’ll never be able to remove or erase what a person heard coming out of your mouth
  • Use your words sparingly. Less really is more at times.
  • Choose your words carefully. It’s important to mean what you say and say what you mean.
  • UNDERSTAND THE WORDS YOU USE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could speak all day on this point. People who attempt to use words that they do not understand often hurt and damage relationships beyond repair!  Take your time and understand what you are trying to say and communicate that effectively.  I know a kid whose lack of education makes him almost illiterate at times.  His ability to explain himself is sooo basic and his understanding even more basic.  Fear, hopefully embarrassment prevents him from learning and doing better.  However, all bad communications and relationships, he blames on others and his dad allows it because he doesn’t know how to help him communicate better.  That leads me to the next point….
  • ACCEPT Criticism and teaching so you can communicate effectively – There are times when the person who has the ability to help you, make not be the one you want but overlook that, get the help and move on!
  • Be angry but don’t destroy. EVERYBODY gets upset at some point, however words can either promote peaceful resolution or they can promote violent resolution.
  • WORDS ARE WEAPONS! Just as powerful as bullet and as lethal as a bomb, words in the wrong hands can destroy generations to come!
  • WORDS ARE THE ULTIMATE BOOMERANG – yep they come back to bite people all the time. The things one will speak to and about others can and will become his or her own reality.
  • Words are seeds that never stop reproducing and growing, plant good ones.

The choices you make with your words can have severe consequences.  Choose Wisely!

Choices & Consequences: Living with the Depth of your Choices

How do you make decisions/choices?  How long do you think about your options?  Have you ever just said, “I’ll deal with the consequences later?”  How long is later? A decision today will affect you for how long?

The above questions are crucial and ones to not take lightly.  The affects of one decision can be real long-term lasting longer than one remembering the decision he or she even made.  Making choices should never be taken lightly from your next purchase to career choices, every decision or choice made affects not only the present but the future.  A good decision propels one into the next level, moves them up, pushes one in the right direction set the tone for things to come, lays a foundation for one to build and grow.  The affects of a bad decision are lingering as well.  It works in the opposite direction as a setback, moving one away from goals etc… however, a bad decision much like a good one affects mind, body and soul.

Think about your worse decision ever made; from getting into a relationship to making wrong career moves, a bad decision lingers on and on and on.  It can have a domino effect knocking down a house of cards.  When one doesn’t take the time to evaluate bad choices, he or she can and probably will continue to make them, in an effort, to get out of the bad choices previously made.  Self-esteem takes a downward turn and any time one is reminded of their bad decision or watch the affects of choices play out in front of them, confidence decreases.  A bad decision can make one question everything about his or her life, thought process and even the ability to mange their life.  YES, I’ve been there.

A wrong financial move (spending money at the wrong time) can derail the budget and place one in debt that takes months to recover.  That’s why impulsive buys are detrimental.  Most people are pulling finances from limited financial resources, a missed bill, doubles or causes other bills to pile up and get behind.  Before he or she knows it, they are months off track financially.

A bad relationship decision takes years from one’s life.  Time spent or wasted on a person who isn’t right for you, means time away from the right person, not to mention the mental, social, financial, spiritual and physical ware and tare it causes.  Years go by and people still choose or don’t choose based on previous hurt.

Choices can have permanent consequences and therefore should be made soberly, cautiously and with thoughts of the current and the future.  Basically, when decisions/choices are made, one should look past the immediate need.

  • It sounds cliché but make a list of pros and cons which will force one to think about all the possible outcomes.
  • Be slow to make choices – remember, you have to live the choice made for life
  • Seek Wise Counsel – There is a lot of counsel out there and now that everyone has a social media platform the opinions are available 24/7.  Not all counsel is created equally.  SEEK WISE COUNSEL
  • Get unbiased counsel – sometimes people can be too close to help.  Relatives and close friends trade the truth for misguided loyalty.  Loyalty isn’t agreeing with everything one does, real loyalty is providing one with the truth.  Make sure you seek unbiased counsel.
  • THINK THINK THINK THINK before U do!
  • Sleep on it

I’m a firm believer that if people really understood the long-term affects of the consequences that accompany their choices, they would make better choices.  I know I would have.

KG

IN 2018…… IS 2018 YOUR YEAR?!

New-year-2018-WhatsApp-Images

BEFORE everyone begins their slogans of what to expect in 2018, let’s talk.  I’ve never been the person that enjoys being last minute, nor am I, the girl, who likes to just do what everyone else is doing just because.  I was raised to be a thinker, a planner, evaluator and a person of action and change.  I love a catchy phrase like everyone else but the practical part of me; the responsible portion of me hates to watch people be swayed thinking that the year will be magical because someone said it.  Better yet that somehow things will be greater than their preparation for it.  Let me be clear, God is going to do some amazing things in 2018 just like HE did in 2017, 2016, 2015, etc… “HE (God) is the same yesterday, today and forever more!”  Truth is God is like the church folks say, God is good, all the time, and all the time God is good!  The key is, where does your life stand?  What preparation have you completed or positioned for your life that should manifest in 2018?  Remember all seeds manifest, good, bad and even the ugly.

One of the wisest things (and there are several) that I have heard my Pastor, Bishop T.D. Jakes, say, is that the hardest part for a preacher is feeding God’s people.  The aggressive eaters grab everything and the passive miss too much so being able to give every member exactly what he or she needs is difficult.  That’s soooooooo true!  Thousands will attend what we in the church call, Watch Meet Service and there will be a lot of encouragement shared, good words going out and they are true.  However, the individual must be real about where he or she is in the midst of the good word!  Sometimes you’re at the beginning, sometimes in the middle and other times at the end of the process; then there are the times where that good word is seed for you, meaning you haven’t even began down the road.  Sometimes the things heard are new and fresh while others are ready for harvest; you are just now planting the seeds to begin a journey that they are completing and that’s okay, as long as you know where you are in the journey.

In 2018, you will receive the harvest for the seeds you’ve planted and cultivated.  Some seeds planted, you didn’t cultivate and as a result they died due to lack of attention. There are seeds planted you forgot about, didn’t mean to plant but they live on little to none attention and they will harvest in 2018, of course these are the seeds and the harvest you don’t want to receive.  Negative seeds grow fast like weeds and can kill the vegetation of a good seed.  Now I do not share this information say that all is lost, because it is not!  The year, 2018, can be great, but knowing what you planted in 2017, what requires uprooting and changing is the key.  You can never a great future without dealing with your past, otherwise it (the past) will come to haunt you every time.

  1. Evaluate the past, regroup and scoop! – Scoop up the seeds of weeds or negative things planted, fertilize the ground and plant new seeds
  2. The only to change the future is not just knowing the past but having a great understanding of the past! Once you understand the decisions you made and why you made them, then you can correct and grow from them.
  3. Cultivate the good seeds and starve the negative ones!
  4. No one said you had to wait for a new year to make changes, In 2018, use & live every day to its fullest. Use each day as a new beginning to accomplish your goals, feed your strengths, build relationships and starve weaknesses.
  5. Graze from the excitement of others but feed from within.
  6. Don’t compare your process, progress or success to others; even similar goals have different individuals with different backgrounds, strengths, weaknesses and challenges.  Comparing can take you back, set you back and make one abandon his or process.  Don’t do that!
  7. Make your own mistakes!  Everyone makes mistakes but the worse thing is to make mistakes based on the influence or advice of others.  You have to live with it and it wasn’t your decision.

This year of 2018, can the year of growth, change, and the best year of your life; but not because of a cliché but because of the work you do, the things you improve in and on, the difference you live by and the actions you take.

 

 

SOWING & REAPING, You can’t reap a Harvest in places U haven’t sown!

harvest1

Have you ever believed in something or someone and was later wrong?  Have you ever invested into people so much, gave so much and at the end of the relationship found out that there was nothing left for you?  Have you ever been wronged and felt the one who wronged you, got off?  Have you ever done the things you thought were right and felt that somehow you were still getting the short end of the stick?  Have you ever given your all to something and it didn’t give it back to you?  I’m sure many of us have experienced at least one of these questions.  You know where you have given your all, have done the things you felt were right and were wrong.  The worst part is that when you are doing something that you think is right, when do you find out it’s not?!

Okay, let’s put this in context. If you invested into a person or loved someone and did the things you thought would make them happy only to find out, it wasn’t enough or it wasn’t the right thing.  How would you feel?  I’ll tell you, mad, betrayed, upset, hurt, belittled and defeated; that’s just to name a few of the emotions.  Think of it like this, you cannot reap in places you haven’t sown. You cannot get a check from the Burger King Company if you are employed at McDonalds.  If you put more time in at work, then you can’t expect your family to be excited or just waiting on you at home.  Of course any man or woman who works to provide for his or her family would disagree and I get that point, to a degree…..however, where your time and energy goes so too shall your harvest.

Sowing and reaping is a principle!  It will stand the test of time, the test of people, the test of product.  It doesn’t matter what scenario you describe you can use the principle of sowing and reaping to determine where, how great and how valuable a harvest could become or not become.  It’s a principle and not a cliché .  The thing is most people tend to do things assuming, hoping and thinking that it will yield a certain return without testing along the way.

A thing can begin one way, and in the process of time, energy, change, seasons, growth, obstacles; the need and desires that were in the beginning have shifted.  If a person remains with the original plan for the sake of keeping the plan, all the work, the sowing will be in vain because what he or she hopes to reap will not be the same.  Let me give you an example.  Since we are using the terms, ‘sowing and reaping’, let’s use crops.  A farmer can begin or set out to plow the land for one crop and based on weather, climate, changes in the weather or seasons, realize that the original plan, while it was good at the time may require twerking.  Okay, first let me say this is a simplistic so don’t go too far and miss the point.  In the example, if the farmer had not cultivated or revisited his plan, meaning continued researching, continued watching weather reports, continued reviewing the plan;  he or she would have missed the signs that told him or her that the original plan should be aborted.

Relationships are the same way.  Two people begin in one manner but hopefully, prayerfully, both parties will grow.  Without revisiting with one another, without talking and making sure along the way that the needs of each partner are met, it is easy for one to outgrow the other person and separation enters.   It is possible to sow in a place for the right reason and still not reap the harvest one desired.  It’s possible to sow too long, too much, too often and then turn for help, comfort in a place that hasn’t been cultivated.  At that point, one could feel isolated and lonely.  However, expecting withdrawals from places where you have ceased to deposit is unrealistic.

What are you saying?  Simply in 2018, be mindful into the places where you sow!  Sowing is equivalent to planting.  Planting is to give people time, energy, space, attention, emotions, affection; when you give it all in one area in one place you cannot expect to look to another place to reap!

  • Parents we must have jobs to pay the bills, however the jobs do not have to have us all the time!
  • If you work, work while you are at work and stop allowing pressures and attempts to please and prove to others; make you take work home!
  • Learn to unwind, disengage from work on the way home so that when you get home you can sow into your family!
  • Sowing is continually for hours.  BALANCE!  Balance work and Balance Family.  Too often we balance family more than we do work but in the end, when the times are critical it is family we want.  Do not need help or comfort or expect a harvest in places you have neglected!  It will not be there and at that point you can blame no one.
  • Sow into yourself!  NO not buy yourself things, sow into you! Never lose the essence of who you are!  Sow value into you by what you say to yourself, how you see yourself.  Strengthen your strengths and starve your weaknesses.
  • EVALUATE! EVALUATE! EVALUATE!  We need to be scientists of our own lives!  Stop going through the motions, having the same arguments without reflecting on how, why and what causes them!  UUGh!  We quote “doing the same thing expecting different results is insanity” and yet we in our actions, we make no adjustments.  WHY? Because we tend to not evaluate what happened!  Usually, we remember how and why someone made us mad but fail to see how our language, tone, timing or any other emotions affected what or how the other person felt.  We tend to keep our same habits but want different results!  HELLO!  Habits aren’t principles!  They can change and habits will not stand the test of time, etc… because if a habit is killing us, we will and must change or stop it!

EVALUATE! THINK! REVISIT!

If you aren’t sowing the harvest you expect, go back and trace your seeds!

CHOICES & CONSEQUENCES: Living with the latter

CHOICES & CONSEQUENCES

We all make choices every day.  What we will eat, what to wear, who we date and even the people with whom we spend the rest of our life.  The effects of those choices are short-lived for the most part.  If you eat something that doesn’t agree with you, it will exit your body one way or the other.  If you wear something unflattering, you can give the outfit away, hide it in the back of your closet and not wear it again.  There are other choices we make daily where the consequences are greater.

The ability to choose or to make our own choices is a fight that begins early and at every stage there is more and more debate, discussion and decision.  In fact, it is so common that many of the freedoms we gain as people are given by age.  One can operate a vehicle legally by the age of 16 or decide to whom to vote for in political elections at the age of 18 and by 21 a person is considered legal to drink alcoholic beverages; all the choices or abilities mentioned are accompanied with responsibilities, some greater than others.

Choices! The thing about making choices is often one doesn’t always see just how far, how deep the consequences go for some decisions that one makes.  When choices are made too quick, made in the heat of one’s emotions, made based on desires or even choices made that only consider one’s self can and will result in consequences that people around them must suffer.  Choices.  It is on the ability to make choices that most focus and fight for.  What if the focus changed to thinking about the consequences of the choices we make?

Choices can occur quickly, consequences linger.  A bad choice can result in consequences that last until there is a conscious decision to adjust and/or undo the choices made.  Consequences of choices can affect those who love the choice maker, those who financially support the choice maker and people that get caught in the middle of choices made.  Simply put, instead of focusing on the ability to make choices maybe we should teach our children, emphasize to young people that making choices looks easy and it may make them feel good but having the ability to make choices means nothing if you can’t live with the consequences of the choices.

Overspending and under budgeting can be detrimental even allow one to lose the things he or she has acquired.  Choice to spend made, multiple scenarios of consequences can and will follow.  Do you really know how long a financial choice affects your budget?

What about relationship choices?  Can you really determine how deep emotionally, socially, financially and mentally the cost of those decisions?  No, you cannot.

Having a child before and out of marriage?  That decision affects generations.  Single parents begat single parents.  The choice to be a young mother or father leads to consequences affects one socially, mentally, and financially.  It can become a generational curse.

There is no way that one can make perfect choices all the time, there is no such thing.  The other part of that is that we learn through trial and error.

  • The goal is that when one begins to make choices that he or she think about more than self-satisfaction.
  • To think beyond the immediate and think a little further down the road before making the choice.
  • The goal to bring awareness that if one makes a choice, he or she should be equipped to handle the consequences that accompany the choice or at least admit the mistake and grow from it.
  • Evaluate your choices and when the choice wasn’t right BEFORE making another rash decision to get out of the consequences from the previous bad choice.
  • Although sometimes it feels that way, not all decisions or choices have to be made right away. Think before making them, plan, evaluate and in some cases delay making the choice to ensure the correct one.

For every choice, there are consequences.  Think before you do.

THINGS SAID, THINGS ASSUMED

Love is

Far too often we say the things that we want to take back and never say the things we want people to know especially those close to us.  In doing so, we tend to live with regrets.  The thing about our mouth and the words we speak is that we tend to not realize the power, impact and the life of the words!  Words are never ending.  One can apologize but that doesn’t change the impact of the words spoken good or bad.  Even after the apology the victims of those hurt by the words spoken; live with the emotional, social, psychological and even spiritual scars for years to come.  Not a believer yet?  African-Americans, Black people (whichever u prefer) have lived under the negative words spoken to them and about them in private and public.  Other ethnic groups with limited knowledge of black people believed the stereotypes and the media hype as the truth.  The words used to describe this particular group of people; specifically, in the media, have become the norm and set the tone for the treatment and/or mistreatment of them as a group and never as individuals.  Words are scars that never heal and once spoken can never be unspoken. Simply put the power of words is often underestimated.  

When placed in this context, it would seem that, or one would hope that, more people would understand this and choose their words carefully.  Some people are careless about words because they don’t understand the importance or severity of their words.  For most, usage of words that harm and hurt are often the result of being hurt.  When forced people will do and yes say anything to protect his or herself.  That’s a natural human response and yet our natural responses lead to so much pain and abuse.  One never outgrows his or her human traits, good or bad, but you learn to practice self-control which helps one to make better choices, control the way you express yourself.  It is better to error on the side of caution rather than the side of speaking negativity.  Positive words have never come back to haunt anyone.

Life is full of choices, things we decide things to do and things to say.  Communicate effectively, efficiently and often.  Tell those closest to you the things you like, dislike and desire to improve.  Most importantly don’t spend all your time being angry or telling people how mad you are, or just the things you don’t like.  Tell them you love them verbally even when you feel your actions show it.  Let them know just how important they are to you.  Do not just assume they know or understand your actions.

There are things we say, there are things we assume, YOUR LOVE FOR THOSE CLOSEST TO YOU, SHOULD NEVER BE ASSUMED.

KIMBERLY DAVIS