CHANGE sharing my original acronym

Dr King

CHANGE AGENT

Correcting Habitual Actions to Nurture Great Expectations!

I wrote a post awhile back on this blog about being the “Queen of questions”.  Honestly, the things I do are things I am passionate about!  When I speak my thoughts, my ideas, I’m extremely powerful, passionate, convincing because it is my intent, my thought, my motive to never speak unless I’m sure; to not lead unless I’m led.  I say that, because even in business, my LLC is called the “Queen ‘B’ of doing Business Better”, and God speaks to me and through me in acronyms.  I told my husband that I will be known as the ‘Queen of acronyms’.   Acronyms are memorable and when they have a great meaning can live forever.  Today, we will talk about change.  I’m a writer and this acronym will be presented again in my moments of mediation devotional as well but as I’ve stated above, give you a different meaning and perspective.

The daughter of a philosopher, that’s what I call my Dad.  He wouldn’t describe himself that way, but that’s just one of the adjectives I would use for him.  My mother, is the encourager and again, one word of many to describe her!  As the daughter of that combination, I feel God speaks to me very colorful, memorable and passionately.  Neither of my parents were soft spoken nor unrememberable and neither am I.  Having said that, through the encounters of life, I’ve been blessed to be transparent, open and verbal about the things I learned, am learning and hope to gain.

CHANGE is just one of the many acronyms, you will hear from me if you follow any of my writings.  Whether it be a book, devotional, blog, business blog, moment of mediation, tweet or Facebook post; the goal is to challenge, inspire, encourage, provoke thought and initiate change.

Before I heard, the message my Pastor preached about being a Change Agent, I have been one.  I wasn’t always comfortable with that status because to initiate and encourage change means to be outspoken, standing out in the crowd, having all the attention on you, to take a chance, the risk of being outcast, the risk of trouble, being laughed at or embarrassed and yes, being rejected.  I notice that when I was younger, I was far less concerned with the latter parts of being a change agent, like ‘what people thought’.  It wasn’t until I got older and had some falls/tumbles in life, that the thought of people began to matter.  You know the kind of fall from which we feel we cannot recover?  Trying to live in the shadows didn’t work well for me for obvious reasons and even then, I was changing the ideas, thoughts and patterns of others from behind the scenes while they took credit for work and thoughts that were not their own.

CHANGE! So much must be shared, said, thought, discussed about this even without my acronym.  Do you know how many people seek change but do not want it?  Do you know how often this word is used, discussed and thrown around frivolously?  You can’t imagine the unrealistic expectations that accompany this word (I had some of my own about and for myself, personally)?  CHANGE is a gift, change is required to live.  Change is diverse in meaning depending on the viewer of it, change can be radical, subtly, variable and unmeasurable.  CHANGE!  Change is so diverse that politically that many of the same people voted for #45 that voted for President Obama both terms prior.  CHANGE!

As an agent of change, I’m a reflective person.  The end of the year me, beginning in the last quarter of the year (that’s the accountant in me) is spent reflecting on what has and has not being accomplished.  Going deeper, I review the people, issues, things around me that prohibited, contributed or distracted me from reaching goals, while accessing the time I have left in the year to really make a positive impact on the year to come.  REAL CHANGE, as real as it can get begins with knowing realistically, accepting and understanding where you are: in life, as it relates to your goals n dreams, with people, finances, your social circle and spiritually.  You cannot CHANGE or affect the future if you don’t understand the past!  Notice I said understand the past, that’s another topic, book, discussion for later (UNDERSTANDING IS EVERYTHING!).

Without reflection, one will continue to behave, respond, move, conduct business, engage with one another in the same manner he or she has done in the past.  It’s not until you are exposed that what you are doing could be ineffective or that your actions are producing the results you least desire; that one will even consider the notion of change.  I am ashamed of how many things I’ve endorsed, promoted, encouraged in my past that I now fully understand were not only ignorant but caused me some of my greatest disappointments in life!  Reflection of myself (not others, aka known as excuses and placing blame) allowed me to review my actions, correct behavioral patterns or should I say, identify behavioral patterns that weren’t conducive.  Some people reflect and find people to blame their shortcomings and downfalls; don’t get me wrong, your crowd matters but nothing can be the entire fault of another person, people can only do what you allow.  Reflection can and will reveal people that aren’t conducive for you and your future, but it again your future, your success is based on your actions! This acronym for change helps one examine just that, your actions and your patterns.

So, as I debut my original acronym for the word CHANGE, post 1 of many more to come; I hope it helps you to identify patterns, behaviors, ideas, concepts and things you can change to get the desired results you seek in 2018.

 

Queen of Questions

Queen of Acronyms

Queen “B” of doing Business Better

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CHOICES & CONSEQUENCES: the POWER OF YOUR WORDS!

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In an attempt to not be too preachy as it relates to my blog, but as a believer of the Word and a Minister of the Gospel; it’s hard not to refer to Word of God in certain situations.  The “D” Bible verse, (known to my students) says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue and he that loveth shall eat the fruit thereof” ~Proverbs 18:21.  The words we choose to speak are crucial!  Words are our thoughts; we believe our thoughts and our thoughts become our actions.

The choices made on how one describe his or herself, the words one speaks about his or herself as well as the words one speaks to others makes all the difference in the way you view and handle situations and circumstances.   It begins with our hearing the words we hear consistently develop our belief system.  If one hears negative things consistently he or she becomes a product of that environment.  He or she will speak to others and express him or herself in negative terms because it will become their normal.  It is the same way he or she will treat and deal with others unless he or she is successful exposed and accepts a better or different way to express his or herself.  Whatever a person’s normal is (be it negative or positive), based on what you have become accustomed to hearing, it is that sense of normalcy a person will seek from others.

The way one speaks is taught behavior that extends beyond the simple choice of words but registers in the mindset of the individual speaking.  The words become the way one thinks, perceives others and the way he or she processes everyday activity.  Have you ever known someone that no matter what or how something is said; can always see the bad?  That person seems to make everything black or white, wrong or right, for me or against me?  He or she is a product of their environment.  Words are soooooo vitally important.  The choice of words began by the way we teach our children and grows from there.  I know someone that I love dearly and that person can only speak, enjoy themselves if they are speaking about something in a negative fashion.  Sounds creepy huh?  It’s not.  For example, this person will only tell you things that they don’t like.  So if you suggest going here, their statement is; “I don’t like crowds.”  There is never an alternative suggestion offered and if you bring up something that they enjoy, they will agree and that’s that.  No additional comments on how much they like doing this or that; but if there is a negative story of any type, that person will share it until it cannot be shared anymore.

The decisions/choices one makes are based on the thoughts entertained.  People who tend to view things from a negative perspective have been taught to do so by either the repetitive hearing or the things that the individual encounters and in most cases a combination of both.  Often the two can reinforce one another. Hearing negative and having negative occur completes a negative picture of their life based on reality for that individual.  The thing is that picture of his or herself; is dismal and not completely true and a half truth is always a whole lie.  Good and bad things happen to everyone but when your perception is defined by the negativity one will always and often see his or herself through the eyes of being a victim, smaller than the problem, unable to overcome, and the forever underdog.

Although we cannot see words, we can see the affect that words have on one another as well as ourself.  It will limit or hinder that things and people one will expose his or herself; it stops the progress of growing making one stagnant and bitter.  Words build low self-esteem or they can promote great self-esteem.  Words fuel love or they can fuel hate.  Words are powerful and since everyone has a voice, has the ability to use them, we must be careful as to how  we use them.

  • Be slow to speak, especially when you are angry. Even when you don’t mean to, speaking harshly is always remembered.  While you can apologize, you’ll never be able to remove or erase what a person heard coming out of your mouth
  • Use your words sparingly. Less really is more at times.
  • Choose your words carefully. It’s important to mean what you say and say what you mean.
  • UNDERSTAND THE WORDS YOU USE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could speak all day on this point. People who attempt to use words that they do not understand often hurt and damage relationships beyond repair!  Take your time and understand what you are trying to say and communicate that effectively.  I know a kid whose lack of education makes him almost illiterate at times.  His ability to explain himself is sooo basic and his understanding even more basic.  Fear, hopefully embarrassment prevents him from learning and doing better.  However, all bad communications and relationships, he blames on others and his dad allows it because he doesn’t know how to help him communicate better.  That leads me to the next point….
  • ACCEPT Criticism and teaching so you can communicate effectively – There are times when the person who has the ability to help you, make not be the one you want but overlook that, get the help and move on!
  • Be angry but don’t destroy. EVERYBODY gets upset at some point, however words can either promote peaceful resolution or they can promote violent resolution.
  • WORDS ARE WEAPONS! Just as powerful as bullet and as lethal as a bomb, words in the wrong hands can destroy generations to come!
  • WORDS ARE THE ULTIMATE BOOMERANG – yep they come back to bite people all the time. The things one will speak to and about others can and will become his or her own reality.
  • Words are seeds that never stop reproducing and growing, plant good ones.

The choices you make with your words can have severe consequences.  Choose Wisely!

Choices & Consequences: Living with the Depth of your Choices

How do you make decisions/choices?  How long do you think about your options?  Have you ever just said, “I’ll deal with the consequences later?”  How long is later? A decision today will affect you for how long?

The above questions are crucial and ones to not take lightly.  The affects of one decision can be real long-term lasting longer than one remembering the decision he or she even made.  Making choices should never be taken lightly from your next purchase to career choices, every decision or choice made affects not only the present but the future.  A good decision propels one into the next level, moves them up, pushes one in the right direction set the tone for things to come, lays a foundation for one to build and grow.  The affects of a bad decision are lingering as well.  It works in the opposite direction as a setback, moving one away from goals etc… however, a bad decision much like a good one affects mind, body and soul.

Think about your worse decision ever made; from getting into a relationship to making wrong career moves, a bad decision lingers on and on and on.  It can have a domino effect knocking down a house of cards.  When one doesn’t take the time to evaluate bad choices, he or she can and probably will continue to make them, in an effort, to get out of the bad choices previously made.  Self-esteem takes a downward turn and any time one is reminded of their bad decision or watch the affects of choices play out in front of them, confidence decreases.  A bad decision can make one question everything about his or her life, thought process and even the ability to mange their life.  YES, I’ve been there.

A wrong financial move (spending money at the wrong time) can derail the budget and place one in debt that takes months to recover.  That’s why impulsive buys are detrimental.  Most people are pulling finances from limited financial resources, a missed bill, doubles or causes other bills to pile up and get behind.  Before he or she knows it, they are months off track financially.

A bad relationship decision takes years from one’s life.  Time spent or wasted on a person who isn’t right for you, means time away from the right person, not to mention the mental, social, financial, spiritual and physical ware and tare it causes.  Years go by and people still choose or don’t choose based on previous hurt.

Choices can have permanent consequences and therefore should be made soberly, cautiously and with thoughts of the current and the future.  Basically, when decisions/choices are made, one should look past the immediate need.

  • It sounds cliché but make a list of pros and cons which will force one to think about all the possible outcomes.
  • Be slow to make choices – remember, you have to live the choice made for life
  • Seek Wise Counsel – There is a lot of counsel out there and now that everyone has a social media platform the opinions are available 24/7.  Not all counsel is created equally.  SEEK WISE COUNSEL
  • Get unbiased counsel – sometimes people can be too close to help.  Relatives and close friends trade the truth for misguided loyalty.  Loyalty isn’t agreeing with everything one does, real loyalty is providing one with the truth.  Make sure you seek unbiased counsel.
  • THINK THINK THINK THINK before U do!
  • Sleep on it

I’m a firm believer that if people really understood the long-term affects of the consequences that accompany their choices, they would make better choices.  I know I would have.

KG

SOWING & REAPING, You can’t reap a Harvest in places U haven’t sown!

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Have you ever believed in something or someone and was later wrong?  Have you ever invested into people so much, gave so much and at the end of the relationship found out that there was nothing left for you?  Have you ever been wronged and felt the one who wronged you, got off?  Have you ever done the things you thought were right and felt that somehow you were still getting the short end of the stick?  Have you ever given your all to something and it didn’t give it back to you?  I’m sure many of us have experienced at least one of these questions.  You know where you have given your all, have done the things you felt were right and were wrong.  The worst part is that when you are doing something that you think is right, when do you find out it’s not?!

Okay, let’s put this in context. If you invested into a person or loved someone and did the things you thought would make them happy only to find out, it wasn’t enough or it wasn’t the right thing.  How would you feel?  I’ll tell you, mad, betrayed, upset, hurt, belittled and defeated; that’s just to name a few of the emotions.  Think of it like this, you cannot reap in places you haven’t sown. You cannot get a check from the Burger King Company if you are employed at McDonalds.  If you put more time in at work, then you can’t expect your family to be excited or just waiting on you at home.  Of course any man or woman who works to provide for his or her family would disagree and I get that point, to a degree…..however, where your time and energy goes so too shall your harvest.

Sowing and reaping is a principle!  It will stand the test of time, the test of people, the test of product.  It doesn’t matter what scenario you describe you can use the principle of sowing and reaping to determine where, how great and how valuable a harvest could become or not become.  It’s a principle and not a cliché .  The thing is most people tend to do things assuming, hoping and thinking that it will yield a certain return without testing along the way.

A thing can begin one way, and in the process of time, energy, change, seasons, growth, obstacles; the need and desires that were in the beginning have shifted.  If a person remains with the original plan for the sake of keeping the plan, all the work, the sowing will be in vain because what he or she hopes to reap will not be the same.  Let me give you an example.  Since we are using the terms, ‘sowing and reaping’, let’s use crops.  A farmer can begin or set out to plow the land for one crop and based on weather, climate, changes in the weather or seasons, realize that the original plan, while it was good at the time may require twerking.  Okay, first let me say this is a simplistic so don’t go too far and miss the point.  In the example, if the farmer had not cultivated or revisited his plan, meaning continued researching, continued watching weather reports, continued reviewing the plan;  he or she would have missed the signs that told him or her that the original plan should be aborted.

Relationships are the same way.  Two people begin in one manner but hopefully, prayerfully, both parties will grow.  Without revisiting with one another, without talking and making sure along the way that the needs of each partner are met, it is easy for one to outgrow the other person and separation enters.   It is possible to sow in a place for the right reason and still not reap the harvest one desired.  It’s possible to sow too long, too much, too often and then turn for help, comfort in a place that hasn’t been cultivated.  At that point, one could feel isolated and lonely.  However, expecting withdrawals from places where you have ceased to deposit is unrealistic.

What are you saying?  Simply in 2018, be mindful into the places where you sow!  Sowing is equivalent to planting.  Planting is to give people time, energy, space, attention, emotions, affection; when you give it all in one area in one place you cannot expect to look to another place to reap!

  • Parents we must have jobs to pay the bills, however the jobs do not have to have us all the time!
  • If you work, work while you are at work and stop allowing pressures and attempts to please and prove to others; make you take work home!
  • Learn to unwind, disengage from work on the way home so that when you get home you can sow into your family!
  • Sowing is continually for hours.  BALANCE!  Balance work and Balance Family.  Too often we balance family more than we do work but in the end, when the times are critical it is family we want.  Do not need help or comfort or expect a harvest in places you have neglected!  It will not be there and at that point you can blame no one.
  • Sow into yourself!  NO not buy yourself things, sow into you! Never lose the essence of who you are!  Sow value into you by what you say to yourself, how you see yourself.  Strengthen your strengths and starve your weaknesses.
  • EVALUATE! EVALUATE! EVALUATE!  We need to be scientists of our own lives!  Stop going through the motions, having the same arguments without reflecting on how, why and what causes them!  UUGh!  We quote “doing the same thing expecting different results is insanity” and yet we in our actions, we make no adjustments.  WHY? Because we tend to not evaluate what happened!  Usually, we remember how and why someone made us mad but fail to see how our language, tone, timing or any other emotions affected what or how the other person felt.  We tend to keep our same habits but want different results!  HELLO!  Habits aren’t principles!  They can change and habits will not stand the test of time, etc… because if a habit is killing us, we will and must change or stop it!

EVALUATE! THINK! REVISIT!

If you aren’t sowing the harvest you expect, go back and trace your seeds!

Communication vs Talking; there is a difference.

Image result for image of a couple trying to communicate with one another

Things said, explained and understood; become things learned and knowledge acquired.  It’s called communication which technically does not occur until the person speaking is understood by the person listening.  Too often there is more talking back and forth and less communicating.  Most people never stop to hear what the person said to them and far less time getting an understanding of what they actually meant to say.

Speaking has always been a cultural thing.  There is correct English and then there is the English we speak commonly on a day-to-day basis.  There was a time when the emphasis on correct English was hard, fast and iron clad and that seems to be falling away.  I listen to people all the time and realize that they do not know how to correctly conjugate a verb to save their life and most have used improper English for so long that they don’t even know how to correct it!  The point is, the art of communication has been getting lost for some time and technology wave isn’t helping it at all.  Some people hide behind the technology as an excuse to not communicate effectively or efficiently or at all! Some people think the technology hides their tone but even emails and texts carry the message loud and clear, messages that probably shouldn’t be hidden anyway.

When you communicate with people you love, it should be truthful even when the truth may hurt.  I never said ignore tact but let’s face it, the truth can hurt but the ability to be honest with people you love is priceless.  Notice I used the term communicate and not talk.  Communication in this sense is to make sure what you said is what’s understood.  Often that gray area holds the key to so many misunderstandings, arguments, discussions, disappointment, breakups and yes divorce.

Men and women think, act and therefore communicate differently.  Women tend to think more about the relationship and how they feel and often express their feelings clearer.  For a man to communicate, a woman has to be patient and listen.  Since men spend most of their time trying NOT to talk, forget communicating.  Men either get intimidated or frustrated when asked to explain what they meant when they said something.  To them, it’s a like a trick question; for a woman it’s gaining clarity.  People tend to choose talking over communication because it’s quicker and most just want to argue, disagree and fuss rather than resolve.

Talking ensures that a person will get off his or her chest, their feelings, it doesn’t guarantee that those feelings were understood which means a 90% chance those same things will or must be addressed again.  Communication says not only did I hear what you said, I understood it and now I can either work on it or respond back to you appropriately; either way dialogue is now in effect.  Dialogue is good.  It’s better than just talking dialogue means remaining on subject about the discussion at hand and communicating on it until resolve.

Communication actually solves issues, talking guarantees something to talk again.  Communication requires work and a lot of that work is nonverbal, there’s thinking, feeling and attempting to see something from the perspective of the person you are speaking with.  Talking just means having a response after the other person is done speaking.  We talk without thinking and that’s never a good thing.  Communication breeds understanding, acceptance, tolerance and truth.  You may never totally agree with your mate, friend or other people in life but understanding them and the differences between the two of you can bring you to at minimum a place of truth.  Relationships grow in truth and understanding!

Let’s communicate and grow and allow others to grow!

THINGS SAID, THINGS ASSUMED

Love is

Far too often we say the things that we want to take back and never say the things we want people to know especially those close to us.  In doing so, we tend to live with regrets.  The thing about our mouth and the words we speak is that we tend to not realize the power, impact and the life of the words!  Words are never ending.  One can apologize but that doesn’t change the impact of the words spoken good or bad.  Even after the apology the victims of those hurt by the words spoken; live with the emotional, social, psychological and even spiritual scars for years to come.  Not a believer yet?  African-Americans, Black people (whichever u prefer) have lived under the negative words spoken to them and about them in private and public.  Other ethnic groups with limited knowledge of black people believed the stereotypes and the media hype as the truth.  The words used to describe this particular group of people; specifically, in the media, have become the norm and set the tone for the treatment and/or mistreatment of them as a group and never as individuals.  Words are scars that never heal and once spoken can never be unspoken. Simply put the power of words is often underestimated.  

When placed in this context, it would seem that, or one would hope that, more people would understand this and choose their words carefully.  Some people are careless about words because they don’t understand the importance or severity of their words.  For most, usage of words that harm and hurt are often the result of being hurt.  When forced people will do and yes say anything to protect his or herself.  That’s a natural human response and yet our natural responses lead to so much pain and abuse.  One never outgrows his or her human traits, good or bad, but you learn to practice self-control which helps one to make better choices, control the way you express yourself.  It is better to error on the side of caution rather than the side of speaking negativity.  Positive words have never come back to haunt anyone.

Life is full of choices, things we decide things to do and things to say.  Communicate effectively, efficiently and often.  Tell those closest to you the things you like, dislike and desire to improve.  Most importantly don’t spend all your time being angry or telling people how mad you are, or just the things you don’t like.  Tell them you love them verbally even when you feel your actions show it.  Let them know just how important they are to you.  Do not just assume they know or understand your actions.

There are things we say, there are things we assume, YOUR LOVE FOR THOSE CLOSEST TO YOU, SHOULD NEVER BE ASSUMED.

KIMBERLY DAVIS

MONEY SPENT IN YOUR HEAD PT. 2

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Making the change/transition from personal to business is never easy.  It takes a complete transformation of the mind.  It would benefit all of us to view our personal lives, especially the financial portion of our life in a business sense, setting up systems for receiving and distribution of funds; planning and implementing plans for growth, pursuit and securing the desires of life.   That method is much great than our current one of moving forward and figuring it out later.   Not everyone has the desire to move from their job to entrepreneurship and still the benefits of taking a ‘business’ approach to handling their personal finances cannot be denied.  It would decrease the age-old and ineffective process of buying what we want and begging for what we need.

For those who do take the plunge or even have the desire into entrepreneurship, one of the most difficult things to do is to change the way he or she handles money.  “Adding a business,” to your schedule, your life means just that; “adding, in addition to.”  So, your regular schedule will require adjusting and it means alleviating unnecessary portions of your life out.  It would also require one to change his or her financial approach.  If spending your money in your head was proven ineffective personally, can you imagine the epic failure one would feel trying this method in business.

Systems implemented is forethought for receiving more than a small amount of funds.  You can ‘get by’ or ‘fake’ managing small amounts of money but to manage large amounts requires a system, thoughts and a process for both the receiving and the distribution of funds.  There is a time to bill customers and then there must be a consistent method for the customers to pay as well as a timeframe.  All of which require strategic planning and implementation.

Money is both a seed of opportunity and when used correctly can become the wealth of harvest.  However, a change in mindset is crucial.  You cannot spend, evaluate or use money in the manner you’ve been accustomed.   Exposure to better, capacity to acquire knowledge, wisdom to gleam from the knowledge and courage to do better are all required to grow and for your money to grow as well.