SOWING & REAPING, You can’t reap a Harvest in places U haven’t sown!

harvest1

Have you ever believed in something or someone and was later wrong?  Have you ever invested into people so much, gave so much and at the end of the relationship found out that there was nothing left for you?  Have you ever been wronged and felt the one who wronged you, got off?  Have you ever done the things you thought were right and felt that somehow you were still getting the short end of the stick?  Have you ever given your all to something and it didn’t give it back to you?  I’m sure many of us have experienced at least one of these questions.  You know where you have given your all, have done the things you felt were right and were wrong.  The worst part is that when you are doing something that you think is right, when do you find out it’s not?!

Okay, let’s put this in context. If you invested into a person or loved someone and did the things you thought would make them happy only to find out, it wasn’t enough or it wasn’t the right thing.  How would you feel?  I’ll tell you, mad, betrayed, upset, hurt, belittled and defeated; that’s just to name a few of the emotions.  Think of it like this, you cannot reap in places you haven’t sown. You cannot get a check from the Burger King Company if you are employed at McDonalds.  If you put more time in at work, then you can’t expect your family to be excited or just waiting on you at home.  Of course any man or woman who works to provide for his or her family would disagree and I get that point, to a degree…..however, where your time and energy goes so too shall your harvest.

Sowing and reaping is a principle!  It will stand the test of time, the test of people, the test of product.  It doesn’t matter what scenario you describe you can use the principle of sowing and reaping to determine where, how great and how valuable a harvest could become or not become.  It’s a principle and not a cliché .  The thing is most people tend to do things assuming, hoping and thinking that it will yield a certain return without testing along the way.

A thing can begin one way, and in the process of time, energy, change, seasons, growth, obstacles; the need and desires that were in the beginning have shifted.  If a person remains with the original plan for the sake of keeping the plan, all the work, the sowing will be in vain because what he or she hopes to reap will not be the same.  Let me give you an example.  Since we are using the terms, ‘sowing and reaping’, let’s use crops.  A farmer can begin or set out to plow the land for one crop and based on weather, climate, changes in the weather or seasons, realize that the original plan, while it was good at the time may require twerking.  Okay, first let me say this is a simplistic so don’t go too far and miss the point.  In the example, if the farmer had not cultivated or revisited his plan, meaning continued researching, continued watching weather reports, continued reviewing the plan;  he or she would have missed the signs that told him or her that the original plan should be aborted.

Relationships are the same way.  Two people begin in one manner but hopefully, prayerfully, both parties will grow.  Without revisiting with one another, without talking and making sure along the way that the needs of each partner are met, it is easy for one to outgrow the other person and separation enters.   It is possible to sow in a place for the right reason and still not reap the harvest one desired.  It’s possible to sow too long, too much, too often and then turn for help, comfort in a place that hasn’t been cultivated.  At that point, one could feel isolated and lonely.  However, expecting withdrawals from places where you have ceased to deposit is unrealistic.

What are you saying?  Simply in 2018, be mindful into the places where you sow!  Sowing is equivalent to planting.  Planting is to give people time, energy, space, attention, emotions, affection; when you give it all in one area in one place you cannot expect to look to another place to reap!

  • Parents we must have jobs to pay the bills, however the jobs do not have to have us all the time!
  • If you work, work while you are at work and stop allowing pressures and attempts to please and prove to others; make you take work home!
  • Learn to unwind, disengage from work on the way home so that when you get home you can sow into your family!
  • Sowing is continually for hours.  BALANCE!  Balance work and Balance Family.  Too often we balance family more than we do work but in the end, when the times are critical it is family we want.  Do not need help or comfort or expect a harvest in places you have neglected!  It will not be there and at that point you can blame no one.
  • Sow into yourself!  NO not buy yourself things, sow into you! Never lose the essence of who you are!  Sow value into you by what you say to yourself, how you see yourself.  Strengthen your strengths and starve your weaknesses.
  • EVALUATE! EVALUATE! EVALUATE!  We need to be scientists of our own lives!  Stop going through the motions, having the same arguments without reflecting on how, why and what causes them!  UUGh!  We quote “doing the same thing expecting different results is insanity” and yet we in our actions, we make no adjustments.  WHY? Because we tend to not evaluate what happened!  Usually, we remember how and why someone made us mad but fail to see how our language, tone, timing or any other emotions affected what or how the other person felt.  We tend to keep our same habits but want different results!  HELLO!  Habits aren’t principles!  They can change and habits will not stand the test of time, etc… because if a habit is killing us, we will and must change or stop it!

EVALUATE! THINK! REVISIT!

If you aren’t sowing the harvest you expect, go back and trace your seeds!

Advertisements

Communication vs Talking; there is a difference.

Image result for image of a couple trying to communicate with one another

Things said, explained and understood; become things learned and knowledge acquired.  It’s called communication which technically does not occur until the person speaking is understood by the person listening.  Too often there is more talking back and forth and less communicating.  Most people never stop to hear what the person said to them and far less time getting an understanding of what they actually meant to say.

Speaking has always been a cultural thing.  There is correct English and then there is the English we speak commonly on a day-to-day basis.  There was a time when the emphasis on correct English was hard, fast and iron clad and that seems to be falling away.  I listen to people all the time and realize that they do not know how to correctly conjugate a verb to save their life and most have used improper English for so long that they don’t even know how to correct it!  The point is, the art of communication has been getting lost for some time and technology wave isn’t helping it at all.  Some people hide behind the technology as an excuse to not communicate effectively or efficiently or at all! Some people think the technology hides their tone but even emails and texts carry the message loud and clear, messages that probably shouldn’t be hidden anyway.

When you communicate with people you love, it should be truthful even when the truth may hurt.  I never said ignore tact but let’s face it, the truth can hurt but the ability to be honest with people you love is priceless.  Notice I used the term communicate and not talk.  Communication in this sense is to make sure what you said is what’s understood.  Often that gray area holds the key to so many misunderstandings, arguments, discussions, disappointment, breakups and yes divorce.

Men and women think, act and therefore communicate differently.  Women tend to think more about the relationship and how they feel and often express their feelings clearer.  For a man to communicate, a woman has to be patient and listen.  Since men spend most of their time trying NOT to talk, forget communicating.  Men either get intimidated or frustrated when asked to explain what they meant when they said something.  To them, it’s a like a trick question; for a woman it’s gaining clarity.  People tend to choose talking over communication because it’s quicker and most just want to argue, disagree and fuss rather than resolve.

Talking ensures that a person will get off his or her chest, their feelings, it doesn’t guarantee that those feelings were understood which means a 90% chance those same things will or must be addressed again.  Communication says not only did I hear what you said, I understood it and now I can either work on it or respond back to you appropriately; either way dialogue is now in effect.  Dialogue is good.  It’s better than just talking dialogue means remaining on subject about the discussion at hand and communicating on it until resolve.

Communication actually solves issues, talking guarantees something to talk again.  Communication requires work and a lot of that work is nonverbal, there’s thinking, feeling and attempting to see something from the perspective of the person you are speaking with.  Talking just means having a response after the other person is done speaking.  We talk without thinking and that’s never a good thing.  Communication breeds understanding, acceptance, tolerance and truth.  You may never totally agree with your mate, friend or other people in life but understanding them and the differences between the two of you can bring you to at minimum a place of truth.  Relationships grow in truth and understanding!

Let’s communicate and grow and allow others to grow!

THINGS SAID, THINGS ASSUMED

Love is

Far too often we say the things that we want to take back and never say the things we want people to know especially those close to us.  In doing so, we tend to live with regrets.  The thing about our mouth and the words we speak is that we tend to not realize the power, impact and the life of the words!  Words are never ending.  One can apologize but that doesn’t change the impact of the words spoken good or bad.  Even after the apology the victims of those hurt by the words spoken; live with the emotional, social, psychological and even spiritual scars for years to come.  Not a believer yet?  African-Americans, Black people (whichever u prefer) have lived under the negative words spoken to them and about them in private and public.  Other ethnic groups with limited knowledge of black people believed the stereotypes and the media hype as the truth.  The words used to describe this particular group of people; specifically, in the media, have become the norm and set the tone for the treatment and/or mistreatment of them as a group and never as individuals.  Words are scars that never heal and once spoken can never be unspoken. Simply put the power of words is often underestimated.  

When placed in this context, it would seem that, or one would hope that, more people would understand this and choose their words carefully.  Some people are careless about words because they don’t understand the importance or severity of their words.  For most, usage of words that harm and hurt are often the result of being hurt.  When forced people will do and yes say anything to protect his or herself.  That’s a natural human response and yet our natural responses lead to so much pain and abuse.  One never outgrows his or her human traits, good or bad, but you learn to practice self-control which helps one to make better choices, control the way you express yourself.  It is better to error on the side of caution rather than the side of speaking negativity.  Positive words have never come back to haunt anyone.

Life is full of choices, things we decide things to do and things to say.  Communicate effectively, efficiently and often.  Tell those closest to you the things you like, dislike and desire to improve.  Most importantly don’t spend all your time being angry or telling people how mad you are, or just the things you don’t like.  Tell them you love them verbally even when you feel your actions show it.  Let them know just how important they are to you.  Do not just assume they know or understand your actions.

There are things we say, there are things we assume, YOUR LOVE FOR THOSE CLOSEST TO YOU, SHOULD NEVER BE ASSUMED.

KIMBERLY DAVIS

MONEY SPENT IN YOUR HEAD PT. 2

stresspressure

Making the change/transition from personal to business is never easy.  It takes a complete transformation of the mind.  It would benefit all of us to view our personal lives, especially the financial portion of our life in a business sense, setting up systems for receiving and distribution of funds; planning and implementing plans for growth, pursuit and securing the desires of life.   That method is much great than our current one of moving forward and figuring it out later.   Not everyone has the desire to move from their job to entrepreneurship and still the benefits of taking a ‘business’ approach to handling their personal finances cannot be denied.  It would decrease the age-old and ineffective process of buying what we want and begging for what we need.

For those who do take the plunge or even have the desire into entrepreneurship, one of the most difficult things to do is to change the way he or she handles money.  “Adding a business,” to your schedule, your life means just that; “adding, in addition to.”  So, your regular schedule will require adjusting and it means alleviating unnecessary portions of your life out.  It would also require one to change his or her financial approach.  If spending your money in your head was proven ineffective personally, can you imagine the epic failure one would feel trying this method in business.

Systems implemented is forethought for receiving more than a small amount of funds.  You can ‘get by’ or ‘fake’ managing small amounts of money but to manage large amounts requires a system, thoughts and a process for both the receiving and the distribution of funds.  There is a time to bill customers and then there must be a consistent method for the customers to pay as well as a timeframe.  All of which require strategic planning and implementation.

Money is both a seed of opportunity and when used correctly can become the wealth of harvest.  However, a change in mindset is crucial.  You cannot spend, evaluate or use money in the manner you’ve been accustomed.   Exposure to better, capacity to acquire knowledge, wisdom to gleam from the knowledge and courage to do better are all required to grow and for your money to grow as well.

HOW ACCURATE IS YOUR VIEW OF YOU?

empowerment-240

The last blog, I wrote, discussed having a ‘good’ view of oneself.  The view of yourself is directly connected to your level of self-esteem or lack thereof.  While it is important to have a healthy mindset of who you are as a person, it is not good to have a ‘false’ sense of who you are.  In other words, you cannot rewrite the scenario of events to ensure you are always the victim, to imply that anything negative or bad that happens to you is beyond your control, actions or decisions.  We all know that to be impossible, yet it is amazing to me those that share that version of his or herself and the things that they have encountered in life.

I have been writing a book now for a few years.  The 1st version of that book, when I thought I was ready to edit the book, was ridiculous.  As I read the paragraphs, literally there was painful event upon painful event describing what people did to me and how they made me feel.  I recalled events, situations and problems accurately and somewhat vividly but in those situations, it was all about what happened to me.  Never did I have write about my series of bad choices that lead me to be in situations; bad judgment, running from the pains of life, loneliness and even a little despair.  In my review of my past, I found myself embarrassed.  I mean really some of my decisions were down right ignorant.  I couldn’t even really understand the decisions I made or why I made them.  Now let’s be clear, the things that I encountered were real, painful and abusive at the hands of others, however, it was my decision to be and even remain with and under their control.

The point?  Having an accurate view of oneself, means accepting your low times that are directly connected to your weaknesses, you know we all have them.  While it may be embarrassing and painful, in order to, really grow, the truth about who you are, what you have done and how you contributed to your “current situation” is crucial to changing and improving your NEXT Situation.

I am a huge advocate for people being honest and I dislike being around people or having people in my circle who do not care enough to be honest with me. I mention this because, to have an accurate picture of you means having a friend that you allow to “check” you per se. During my period of darkness, those in my circle, never cared for me enough to be honest with me, about me.  It was then I knew I had to change my circle and I did.  People can gain and even gleam from watching you be a failure.  It makes them feel good about their situation.

Having an accurate view of who you are isn’t all bad, nor all good or all victim; it is a combination of your strengths, weaknesses, hopes, ideas, and thoughts.  Once you know them, embrace them and walk in them accordingly, you become powerful beyond your greatest expectations.

Kimberly Davis

WHAT DO YOUR ACTIONS SAY?

Christian-Marriage-Rules-for-Handling-Conflict

There’s no place like home! There’s no place like home! There’s no place like home!  These are the last three lines in the move; “The Wizard or Oz or The Wiz”, that we hear before Dorothy is able to go back to Kansas.  What we learn in the movie is that it wasn’t any magic in the three lines other than Dorothy’s belief in those lines.  When she really wanted to go home, she could do so.  Her journey was a personal one all along.

Like Dorothy, many of us say words, phrases even speak monologues about how one feels about his or herself; the things we like, will do and won’t do; but the truth is the proof of our actions.

I always say that if you have to announce certain things then maybe they aren’t true.  If you have to tell people, “I love myself, I’m the boss, I’m in charge or I will not do this or that”; then more than likely those statements aren’t true.  Real emotions, feelings, thoughts aren’t always verbalized but show forth in the actions of the individual, the way they walk, speak, the confidence and just their aroma.  Truth be told, you know about people long before you approach them if you pay attention.  A lot of people pay attention too.  Long before you speak, interviewers, co-workers, onlookers, potential mates, haters and just nosy people already have a sense about who you are.  Now don’t get me wrong a vast majority of those people will be wrong, however there will be some that see the insecurities you work to hide.  While the words we speak may be loud and resounding; the actions we take are greater.

Your mouth says, “I love the skin, I’m in or the person I am,” but your bowed head and inability to look people in their eye, screams doubt and lack of confidence.

Your mouth says, “I know my worth”, but the partner that you chose that’s over-bearing and controlling says I don’t know who I am and I compromise for the person that loves me.

Your mouth says, “I love my body”, but the oversize clothes tell another story of maybe cover-up and hiding.

Your mouth says, “I’m an open book”, but the cross arms tell people not to go further or that they are invading your privacy.

Our mouth is one of the most powerful members of the body, the negative things spoken out of it determines our actions, prohibits, stops and prevents one from moving forward and the positive things spoken out of our mouth encourages, builds and makes one want to move forward.  However it is possible for the words from our mouth to be in direct conflict with our actions.  One thing the mouth cannot do; is to make our actions lie.  It can boast great things but if the things are not true, or accurate, our actions will always give us away.

What do your actions say?

 

DEFINING MOMENTS

Obstacles I will not quit, I may bend but I will not break

Overcoming_Obstacles

I recently wrote an article, maybe at the beginning of this year about defining moments.  I think every person who has ever reached a milestone in life or become successful has had a, or several, defining moments.  Sometimes a moment can thrust one into destiny and other moments build upon the momentum of the thrust.  Although the defining moments are not the best moments one can have, they definitely are instrumental in changing a person’s attitude, thoughts and dreams.

Having a defining moment, doesn’t mean that obstacles will not come.  I think one of the greatest untruths is that people who are successful do not encounter obstacles like “normal” people.  I can’t tell you how many times, I’ve had those conversations with friends, family assuming that people with money, people who are successful are so without obstacles because otherwise they would be normal like those of us in the conversation.  I must admit there were times when I felt the exact same way.  I felt that my past was bad and that’s what I kept getting trouble and that trouble kept me from succeeding.  Based on that logic alone, I was preparing myself for mediocrity.

Nothing goes wrong until you decide to do something! Nothing! Life is easy, care-free, smooth sailing almost dull.  In fact, it’s the carefree, extra time on your hand that prompts and promotes one into action.  It’s in the quiet moment you begin to think about the things you could do, places you go and life you can live when the times are quiet and smooth.  However, the minute you decide to take action obstacles appear.  Obstacles are never a sign to stop, there are the bridge that separates the doers from the talkers, they are the bridge of decision because at the sign of obstacle either you will move forward crossing the bridge or enjoy the view from the side of the bridge.

One moment can change your life but that moment must be followed by other actions that lead one progressively forward even when it would appear that things are working against you.  Successful people are determined people, they are positive people who have learned that every obstacle isn’t meant to break, most, are meant to build you.  Real success means entering into a place that one has yet to see before, a view that one hasn’t even imagined, to enter into a season of winning, and overcoming, well you can’t enter that season without preparation and expectancy.  Obstacles come to operate the muscles required for the new level of your aspirations.

Maybe you started out the new year with goals, a new mindset and now you feel that you’ve lost your way or fallen off.  Okay get back on! You don’t need a new year on the calendar to begin again, each day is an opportunity to do, move and grow! So let’s get busy.  Oh and look for the obstacles instead of allowing them to shock you, be ready for them and strategically dance over or around them but accomplish your goals!