SOWING & REAPING, You can’t reap a Harvest in places U haven’t sown!

harvest1

Have you ever believed in something or someone and was later wrong?  Have you ever invested into people so much, gave so much and at the end of the relationship found out that there was nothing left for you?  Have you ever been wronged and felt the one who wronged you, got off?  Have you ever done the things you thought were right and felt that somehow you were still getting the short end of the stick?  Have you ever given your all to something and it didn’t give it back to you?  I’m sure many of us have experienced at least one of these questions.  You know where you have given your all, have done the things you felt were right and were wrong.  The worst part is that when you are doing something that you think is right, when do you find out it’s not?!

Okay, let’s put this in context. If you invested into a person or loved someone and did the things you thought would make them happy only to find out, it wasn’t enough or it wasn’t the right thing.  How would you feel?  I’ll tell you, mad, betrayed, upset, hurt, belittled and defeated; that’s just to name a few of the emotions.  Think of it like this, you cannot reap in places you haven’t sown. You cannot get a check from the Burger King Company if you are employed at McDonalds.  If you put more time in at work, then you can’t expect your family to be excited or just waiting on you at home.  Of course any man or woman who works to provide for his or her family would disagree and I get that point, to a degree…..however, where your time and energy goes so too shall your harvest.

Sowing and reaping is a principle!  It will stand the test of time, the test of people, the test of product.  It doesn’t matter what scenario you describe you can use the principle of sowing and reaping to determine where, how great and how valuable a harvest could become or not become.  It’s a principle and not a cliché .  The thing is most people tend to do things assuming, hoping and thinking that it will yield a certain return without testing along the way.

A thing can begin one way, and in the process of time, energy, change, seasons, growth, obstacles; the need and desires that were in the beginning have shifted.  If a person remains with the original plan for the sake of keeping the plan, all the work, the sowing will be in vain because what he or she hopes to reap will not be the same.  Let me give you an example.  Since we are using the terms, ‘sowing and reaping’, let’s use crops.  A farmer can begin or set out to plow the land for one crop and based on weather, climate, changes in the weather or seasons, realize that the original plan, while it was good at the time may require twerking.  Okay, first let me say this is a simplistic so don’t go too far and miss the point.  In the example, if the farmer had not cultivated or revisited his plan, meaning continued researching, continued watching weather reports, continued reviewing the plan;  he or she would have missed the signs that told him or her that the original plan should be aborted.

Relationships are the same way.  Two people begin in one manner but hopefully, prayerfully, both parties will grow.  Without revisiting with one another, without talking and making sure along the way that the needs of each partner are met, it is easy for one to outgrow the other person and separation enters.   It is possible to sow in a place for the right reason and still not reap the harvest one desired.  It’s possible to sow too long, too much, too often and then turn for help, comfort in a place that hasn’t been cultivated.  At that point, one could feel isolated and lonely.  However, expecting withdrawals from places where you have ceased to deposit is unrealistic.

What are you saying?  Simply in 2018, be mindful into the places where you sow!  Sowing is equivalent to planting.  Planting is to give people time, energy, space, attention, emotions, affection; when you give it all in one area in one place you cannot expect to look to another place to reap!

  • Parents we must have jobs to pay the bills, however the jobs do not have to have us all the time!
  • If you work, work while you are at work and stop allowing pressures and attempts to please and prove to others; make you take work home!
  • Learn to unwind, disengage from work on the way home so that when you get home you can sow into your family!
  • Sowing is continually for hours.  BALANCE!  Balance work and Balance Family.  Too often we balance family more than we do work but in the end, when the times are critical it is family we want.  Do not need help or comfort or expect a harvest in places you have neglected!  It will not be there and at that point you can blame no one.
  • Sow into yourself!  NO not buy yourself things, sow into you! Never lose the essence of who you are!  Sow value into you by what you say to yourself, how you see yourself.  Strengthen your strengths and starve your weaknesses.
  • EVALUATE! EVALUATE! EVALUATE!  We need to be scientists of our own lives!  Stop going through the motions, having the same arguments without reflecting on how, why and what causes them!  UUGh!  We quote “doing the same thing expecting different results is insanity” and yet we in our actions, we make no adjustments.  WHY? Because we tend to not evaluate what happened!  Usually, we remember how and why someone made us mad but fail to see how our language, tone, timing or any other emotions affected what or how the other person felt.  We tend to keep our same habits but want different results!  HELLO!  Habits aren’t principles!  They can change and habits will not stand the test of time, etc… because if a habit is killing us, we will and must change or stop it!

EVALUATE! THINK! REVISIT!

If you aren’t sowing the harvest you expect, go back and trace your seeds!

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RELATIONSHIPS, The Honesty of it All?

relationships

Relationships are tricky.  Whether it’s just friends, best friends, family or romantic relationships, they are very tricky.  Every guru will tell you communication is key.  Some of us, who are not considered gurus even know how to say that communication is key but somewhere between what we say, what we do is vastly different.  As simplistic as it seems and sounds, communication doesn’t occur.

We tend to forget to say things we assume the other person to know.  We forget to tell our friend, “thank you”, “I appreciate you”, “you’re welcome” and so forth.  We easily take our significant others for granted, not telling them’ “I love you”, “you look nice”, “I missed you” and “you matter.”  Of course, we all know the cliché behind assuming but it doesn’t stop us from doing it.  We tend to assume how people feel based on ourselves, our fears, thoughts, ideas and our own way of thinking.  In doing so, often we are wrong, ill-informed and the actions one takes are detrimental, crucial and sometimes irreversible.   It would be better to ask, get clarity rather than to do the former.  Ironically though, more people move, take actions, and make decisions based on their assumptions.  Fear of conflict, confrontation and the possibility of awkwardness makes one more inclined to go along with the status quo but at the same time leave his or herself.

Relationships require compromise, but that compromise shouldn’t be yourself, the essence of who you are, what you believe and your character.  Without the freedom to speak up for yourself, or to be honesty with the people you are closet to, you will lose yourself in their ideas and thoughts.  It’s never healthy to agree or go along with every thought or idea that another has.  Disagreeing is healthy.  You are exposed to new things, thoughts and concepts and in any type of relationship, you are exposed to the possibility of getting closer to one another.  Simply put, if you can’t be honest with a person that you call a friend, family member, or lover then you really don’t have a relationship.

Relationships at their best include times of greatness and times of awkwardness.  Good times, bad times and even a few ugly moments. My motto is, “until we can disagree, get upset and make up, then we really aren’t friends”.  There is no foundation in the relationship to stand on until those things occur.  Anyone can be happy or get along when you agree on everything, it’s in the conflict of a disagreement that you learn about people, who they are, who they are not and what you can and should expect from them.

Relationships are great, very important, and the healthy ones are based on honesty.  Having said that, remember, remain honest with yourself and others, it’s the only one to have and establish great relationships.  A relationship that can’t take honesty, isn’t real or worth having.

Kimberly Davis

LEADERSHIP IN THE WORKPLACE, LEAVES MUCH TO BE DESIRED

The ability to influence people is subjective and wide spread.  Influence is based on the needs, desires, attitudes of people which cannot be pre-determined.  Equally so, people that require leadership are not always accurate about what they need in a leader.  I’m amazed, shocked, and sometimes disappointed at the people that are promoted and followed on social media threads.  Some people may even feel that way about me and my blog, after all, opinions are abundant and often expressed.  The thing that concerns me is that not all of those with influence use it responsibly or use it wisely.

Unfortunately, I’ve worked with numerous people and under diverse leadership, some of which has embarrassed me immensely.  Seriously, some of the people that I’ve worked with or for make me question my very influence and mindset.  Their ignorance is my motivation for ensuring I’m not an employee (even if it is contract) for the rest of my life and hopefully to pass that on to my next generation.

Leadership in the workplace is becoming increasingly abusive, invasive, rude and bias.  It’s quite concerning.  When people stop thinking or being concerned about people as “individuals”, it’s dangerous to society.  Unfortunately, whether we want to admit it or not, we don’t see people as individuals but a collective body according to race, ethnicity and our “hood”.  Yep, I said, “hood”, short for neighborhood, although when most people hear that term, their thoughts turn to that of African-American Community.  However, most people are prejudiced by their immediate influences.  Their ideas about how a person functions, thinks, operates are based upon their own without the option to consider, entertain or even understand the diverse cultures, ethnicities that live and work in the U.S.

The culture of a company is determined by the leaders and managers as well as owners.  When leadership is closed to the cultures that it serves, the treatment of employees becomes abusive.  There is a niche of small companies that continue to run through employees like running water.  Unfortunately, these companies hire quickly, pay decently (not market but better than minimum) which is why they attract employees.   On the flip side, they replace quickly, leave too many employees feeling doubt and ruin the workforce.

There was a time when leadership went through training to learn how to lead and now it’s just a matter of having the ‘financial means’ to be in charge places one in a leadership position, whether he or she is fit to walk in those shoes or not.  Leadership in the workplace impacts the confidence and not to mention the livelihood of employees.

Leadership has a responsibility to treat people with respect without leaning toward our own prejudices and fears against diverse cultures.  Leadership should always attend workshops, get understanding and knowledge from Human Resource professionals to ensure that they continue to grow as people and as leaders.

  • Be open to learning and gaining an understanding about how people think individual and not lump them in categories based on ethnicity.
  • Remember that most of the ideas we have about other cultures is biased and based on the things the media portrays.
  • Be open to learning people
  • Do not allow the pains from the past to control future decisions – As an employer, you will always have employees that have to be fired, that may hurt your business or even cause your business problems, but it is more important to not allow those employees to change, alter or hurt current and/or future employees.
  • Treat people the way that you would like them to treat you, even if you feel you have more power or means than the people you employ.

Leadership requires people to think beyond their feelings.  Too often leaders don’t do that.  The greatest resource is human resource and mistreatment of human resources means that your business will suffer eventually.

CHOICES & CONSEQUENCES Losing Your Voice, MY MONEY = MY INPUT

Making choices is a privilege, privileges are always a responsibility.

Decisions

If we knew the depth and true length of some of our choices, I’m convinced we would make better choices.  If we really understood or had the wisdom that is acquired from the consequences of the choices we make; we would make better choices.   It is impossible to see every angle to anticipate everything that could happen however, there are factors that we really can see, things we can take into consideration that often are overlooked.  Being anxious, the lack of patience and able to only see what we want right then and now make the vision and options short-sided.

From purchases with our money to choosing a mate, we tend to be very short-termed in our goals and the consequences of our choices reflect the time and thought, or lack thereof.   One of the things that stand out to me the most as I write this; are those choices that lead to the financial dependency from others.  I’m a reflective person and when I look back over my young adult years and choices I made that required other people to contribute financial, I’m exasperated and blessed at the same time.  Exasperated to see not only, all the money I wasted, both my finances as well as the finances of parents, grandparents, etc., but the enormous amount of bad decisions.  Decisions based on emotions, decisions made impetuously, decisions made based on current anger and decisions made based on temporary circumstances.

When, my decisions/choices, affected only my pockets, I heard and didn’t hear the advice of others but when my decisions cost others, I quickly learned that the choices are no longer just yours.  Accepting another person’s financial assistance inviting their opinion whether it is asked or not.  When it is a first time or financial assistance sporadically maybe not, but if one is rescuing another financially from multiple choices, it would be unwise of them to NOT insert their opinion.  It is obvious that either the choices being made that require continual financial assistance are not wise or at minimum require another view.

The depth and longevity of the consequences we endure based on the choices we make are greater than they first appear.  We would be wise to pass that on to our children but you cannot pass on things that you refuse to review, reflect and learn.  Some choices become generational consequences.  A few things to consider when making choices, life-altering choices.

  1. BEFORE, you can make better choices, you must first be willing to admit you made them.  Admitting to a bad decision must be clear n concise, without the “but”; I did it but, it was because of this or that.  Any excuse attached to the admittance is removing or reducing your responsibility for the mistake.  ALL choices have a story!  The admitting of a bad choices MEANS realizing that the facts as you saw them then were inaccurate at best and more likely inaccurately misinterpreted by you, the choice maker.  When making a choice one should remember it is your job to know the facts not assume anything.  People usually accept the word of others only when it benefits them and their desire.
  2. Review and rewind your consequences back to the place where the choices were made.  Easier said than done.  Most people chunk too many things to circumstances beyond their control or their ability to foresee.  Unfortunately, that is far from the truth in most cases.  Example: When two people have sex, or make plans to have sex, they know that pregnancy is just one of the options that can occur.  Saying that the outcome is something one couldn’t foresee isn’t true.  What they mean to say is, “I didn’t think it would happen to me.”  Those two statements are definitely not the same thing.  Emergencies do not happen nearly as often as we would like to say that they do.  Real emergencies are few and far between.  Other emergencies generally mean that we failed to plan, or made other choices hoping for better consequences EVEN WHEN there was no real evidence that suggest better would occur, the very definition of insanity (doing the same things expected different results).
  3. NO ONE MAKES THE RIGHT CHOICES ALL THE TIME! Making bad choices is part of the learning process, it is when one consistently makes bad choices without even considering the consequences that a problem occurs.  Consequences by nature of definition are meant to be thought provoking, challenging and a learning process.  When people intervene in the consequences process, it can derail the learning curve resulting in repetitive bad choices.  Simply put, living through the consequences of bad choices is the way to not keep making them.
  4. Before making choices, take time to weigh all the possible consequences.  Pros and Cons.
  5. Take quality time before making decisions.  Rush decisions are usually reactions not responses.  Reactions occur due to emotions and unreasonable thinking.
  6. When we take time to make better choices, the consequences of your actions do not become the financial responsibilities of others.
  7. Bailouts should be real emergencies and not the results of impulsive choices.

Consequences of our choices linger longer than we care to admit sometimes.  Work to make better choices so that your consequences aren’t always bad and long.

CHOICES & CONSEQUENCES: Living with the latter

CHOICES & CONSEQUENCES

We all make choices every day.  What we will eat, what to wear, who we date and even the people with whom we spend the rest of our life.  The effects of those choices are short-lived for the most part.  If you eat something that doesn’t agree with you, it will exit your body one way or the other.  If you wear something unflattering, you can give the outfit away, hide it in the back of your closet and not wear it again.  There are other choices we make daily where the consequences are greater.

The ability to choose or to make our own choices is a fight that begins early and at every stage there is more and more debate, discussion and decision.  In fact, it is so common that many of the freedoms we gain as people are given by age.  One can operate a vehicle legally by the age of 16 or decide to whom to vote for in political elections at the age of 18 and by 21 a person is considered legal to drink alcoholic beverages; all the choices or abilities mentioned are accompanied with responsibilities, some greater than others.

Choices! The thing about making choices is often one doesn’t always see just how far, how deep the consequences go for some decisions that one makes.  When choices are made too quick, made in the heat of one’s emotions, made based on desires or even choices made that only consider one’s self can and will result in consequences that people around them must suffer.  Choices.  It is on the ability to make choices that most focus and fight for.  What if the focus changed to thinking about the consequences of the choices we make?

Choices can occur quickly, consequences linger.  A bad choice can result in consequences that last until there is a conscious decision to adjust and/or undo the choices made.  Consequences of choices can affect those who love the choice maker, those who financially support the choice maker and people that get caught in the middle of choices made.  Simply put, instead of focusing on the ability to make choices maybe we should teach our children, emphasize to young people that making choices looks easy and it may make them feel good but having the ability to make choices means nothing if you can’t live with the consequences of the choices.

Overspending and under budgeting can be detrimental even allow one to lose the things he or she has acquired.  Choice to spend made, multiple scenarios of consequences can and will follow.  Do you really know how long a financial choice affects your budget?

What about relationship choices?  Can you really determine how deep emotionally, socially, financially and mentally the cost of those decisions?  No, you cannot.

Having a child before and out of marriage?  That decision affects generations.  Single parents begat single parents.  The choice to be a young mother or father leads to consequences affects one socially, mentally, and financially.  It can become a generational curse.

There is no way that one can make perfect choices all the time, there is no such thing.  The other part of that is that we learn through trial and error.

  • The goal is that when one begins to make choices that he or she think about more than self-satisfaction.
  • To think beyond the immediate and think a little further down the road before making the choice.
  • The goal to bring awareness that if one makes a choice, he or she should be equipped to handle the consequences that accompany the choice or at least admit the mistake and grow from it.
  • Evaluate your choices and when the choice wasn’t right BEFORE making another rash decision to get out of the consequences from the previous bad choice.
  • Although sometimes it feels that way, not all decisions or choices have to be made right away. Think before making them, plan, evaluate and in some cases delay making the choice to ensure the correct one.

For every choice, there are consequences.  Think before you do.

Communication vs Talking; there is a difference.

Image result for image of a couple trying to communicate with one another

Things said, explained and understood; become things learned and knowledge acquired.  It’s called communication which technically does not occur until the person speaking is understood by the person listening.  Too often there is more talking back and forth and less communicating.  Most people never stop to hear what the person said to them and far less time getting an understanding of what they actually meant to say.

Speaking has always been a cultural thing.  There is correct English and then there is the English we speak commonly on a day-to-day basis.  There was a time when the emphasis on correct English was hard, fast and iron clad and that seems to be falling away.  I listen to people all the time and realize that they do not know how to correctly conjugate a verb to save their life and most have used improper English for so long that they don’t even know how to correct it!  The point is, the art of communication has been getting lost for some time and technology wave isn’t helping it at all.  Some people hide behind the technology as an excuse to not communicate effectively or efficiently or at all! Some people think the technology hides their tone but even emails and texts carry the message loud and clear, messages that probably shouldn’t be hidden anyway.

When you communicate with people you love, it should be truthful even when the truth may hurt.  I never said ignore tact but let’s face it, the truth can hurt but the ability to be honest with people you love is priceless.  Notice I used the term communicate and not talk.  Communication in this sense is to make sure what you said is what’s understood.  Often that gray area holds the key to so many misunderstandings, arguments, discussions, disappointment, breakups and yes divorce.

Men and women think, act and therefore communicate differently.  Women tend to think more about the relationship and how they feel and often express their feelings clearer.  For a man to communicate, a woman has to be patient and listen.  Since men spend most of their time trying NOT to talk, forget communicating.  Men either get intimidated or frustrated when asked to explain what they meant when they said something.  To them, it’s a like a trick question; for a woman it’s gaining clarity.  People tend to choose talking over communication because it’s quicker and most just want to argue, disagree and fuss rather than resolve.

Talking ensures that a person will get off his or her chest, their feelings, it doesn’t guarantee that those feelings were understood which means a 90% chance those same things will or must be addressed again.  Communication says not only did I hear what you said, I understood it and now I can either work on it or respond back to you appropriately; either way dialogue is now in effect.  Dialogue is good.  It’s better than just talking dialogue means remaining on subject about the discussion at hand and communicating on it until resolve.

Communication actually solves issues, talking guarantees something to talk again.  Communication requires work and a lot of that work is nonverbal, there’s thinking, feeling and attempting to see something from the perspective of the person you are speaking with.  Talking just means having a response after the other person is done speaking.  We talk without thinking and that’s never a good thing.  Communication breeds understanding, acceptance, tolerance and truth.  You may never totally agree with your mate, friend or other people in life but understanding them and the differences between the two of you can bring you to at minimum a place of truth.  Relationships grow in truth and understanding!

Let’s communicate and grow and allow others to grow!

THINGS SAID, THINGS ASSUMED

Love is

Far too often we say the things that we want to take back and never say the things we want people to know especially those close to us.  In doing so, we tend to live with regrets.  The thing about our mouth and the words we speak is that we tend to not realize the power, impact and the life of the words!  Words are never ending.  One can apologize but that doesn’t change the impact of the words spoken good or bad.  Even after the apology the victims of those hurt by the words spoken; live with the emotional, social, psychological and even spiritual scars for years to come.  Not a believer yet?  African-Americans, Black people (whichever u prefer) have lived under the negative words spoken to them and about them in private and public.  Other ethnic groups with limited knowledge of black people believed the stereotypes and the media hype as the truth.  The words used to describe this particular group of people; specifically, in the media, have become the norm and set the tone for the treatment and/or mistreatment of them as a group and never as individuals.  Words are scars that never heal and once spoken can never be unspoken. Simply put the power of words is often underestimated.  

When placed in this context, it would seem that, or one would hope that, more people would understand this and choose their words carefully.  Some people are careless about words because they don’t understand the importance or severity of their words.  For most, usage of words that harm and hurt are often the result of being hurt.  When forced people will do and yes say anything to protect his or herself.  That’s a natural human response and yet our natural responses lead to so much pain and abuse.  One never outgrows his or her human traits, good or bad, but you learn to practice self-control which helps one to make better choices, control the way you express yourself.  It is better to error on the side of caution rather than the side of speaking negativity.  Positive words have never come back to haunt anyone.

Life is full of choices, things we decide things to do and things to say.  Communicate effectively, efficiently and often.  Tell those closest to you the things you like, dislike and desire to improve.  Most importantly don’t spend all your time being angry or telling people how mad you are, or just the things you don’t like.  Tell them you love them verbally even when you feel your actions show it.  Let them know just how important they are to you.  Do not just assume they know or understand your actions.

There are things we say, there are things we assume, YOUR LOVE FOR THOSE CLOSEST TO YOU, SHOULD NEVER BE ASSUMED.

KIMBERLY DAVIS