CHANGE – second edition

change-is-a-process

Correcting Habitual Actions to Nurture Great Expectations

What if what you have been doing, what you know to do has been wrong?  The reason some people never appear to change or admit that they are wrong or even engage in the idea that they could be wrong.  That’s a problem.  No one is always right. Some people are okay to say, “that it is what it is, and I can’t change it.”  While that may make one feel good in the moment, that says nothing about or in reference to, people who may have been hurt, or continue to feel hurt by one’s past actions.  It is also an excuse to not attempt to improve one’s actions. While the past cannot be changed, acknowledgment of bad habits is crucial to not continue repetitive bad behavior and one can always apologize for the infliction of past hurts.

To change means to correct the habits one performs that work against the desired outcomes.  While it sounds simple, it’s not simple.  People become accustom to doing things a certain way, even when the things one does are detrimental to them and breaking those habits require so much more than just time.  However, before one can correct a habit, he or she has to embrace the idea or concept that he or she can be doing some things incorrectly.  What if you have behaved in a manner for years and later figure out what you’ve been doing is wrong or learned just how non-productive?  Just because you’ve been doing things one or the same way for a number of years, doesn’t mean that it is right especially when the results you want aren’t the results you yield.  In fact, the lack of results should be enough to make one review his or her actions.  Correcting habits has to begin with identifying bad habits/actions.  Each year, with resolutions, promises to yourself, without a review of your own actions, real change, real correction cannot occur.

Many are the people that find his or herself able to do better once their hindrances have been removed and majority of those hindrances are their own personal actions or lack of actions.  From exposure to an increase in knowledge, accepting the possibility that you’ve been doing things wrong is the key to growing and becoming successful.  Some habits are things that one does other habits are things that you can walk into or habits one allows to occur around him or her.  There are habits of responses to people, places, ideas, concepts and events.  Habitual actions can cause one to become stagnant in thinking which is never a good thing.

This is personal for me, I remember the first time I realized that my methods for interacting and handling people in my life wasn’t working, it led me to finally correct my habits.  It wasn’t easy especially when your change or correction involves people.  Letting go of people should be easy but it isn’t.  Often many of us tolerate the behavior of people for fear of losing them.  Reinventing oneself, including me doesn’t occur overnight, it’s a process, an intentional journey of teaching or reteaching people how to treat us as we grow and evolve.  Exposure to better and a knowledge of what I wanted from people led me to my growth process, a process in progress.

Change is a gift to not be taken for granted or ignored.  This year, do something great for yourself and for your destiny.  Take different actions and watch the results.

 

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CHANGE sharing my original acronym

Dr King

CHANGE AGENT

Correcting Habitual Actions to Nurture Great Expectations!

I wrote a post awhile back on this blog about being the “Queen of questions”.  Honestly, the things I do are things I am passionate about!  When I speak my thoughts, my ideas, I’m extremely powerful, passionate, convincing because it is my intent, my thought, my motive to never speak unless I’m sure; to not lead unless I’m led.  I say that, because even in business, my LLC is called the “Queen ‘B’ of doing Business Better”, and God speaks to me and through me in acronyms.  I told my husband that I will be known as the ‘Queen of acronyms’.   Acronyms are memorable and when they have a great meaning can live forever.  Today, we will talk about change.  I’m a writer and this acronym will be presented again in my moments of mediation devotional as well but as I’ve stated above, give you a different meaning and perspective.

The daughter of a philosopher, that’s what I call my Dad.  He wouldn’t describe himself that way, but that’s just one of the adjectives I would use for him.  My mother, is the encourager and again, one word of many to describe her!  As the daughter of that combination, I feel God speaks to me very colorful, memorable and passionately.  Neither of my parents were soft spoken nor unrememberable and neither am I.  Having said that, through the encounters of life, I’ve been blessed to be transparent, open and verbal about the things I learned, am learning and hope to gain.

CHANGE is just one of the many acronyms, you will hear from me if you follow any of my writings.  Whether it be a book, devotional, blog, business blog, moment of mediation, tweet or Facebook post; the goal is to challenge, inspire, encourage, provoke thought and initiate change.

Before I heard, the message my Pastor preached about being a Change Agent, I have been one.  I wasn’t always comfortable with that status because to initiate and encourage change means to be outspoken, standing out in the crowd, having all the attention on you, to take a chance, the risk of being outcast, the risk of trouble, being laughed at or embarrassed and yes, being rejected.  I notice that when I was younger, I was far less concerned with the latter parts of being a change agent, like ‘what people thought’.  It wasn’t until I got older and had some falls/tumbles in life, that the thought of people began to matter.  You know the kind of fall from which we feel we cannot recover?  Trying to live in the shadows didn’t work well for me for obvious reasons and even then, I was changing the ideas, thoughts and patterns of others from behind the scenes while they took credit for work and thoughts that were not their own.

CHANGE! So much must be shared, said, thought, discussed about this even without my acronym.  Do you know how many people seek change but do not want it?  Do you know how often this word is used, discussed and thrown around frivolously?  You can’t imagine the unrealistic expectations that accompany this word (I had some of my own about and for myself, personally)?  CHANGE is a gift, change is required to live.  Change is diverse in meaning depending on the viewer of it, change can be radical, subtly, variable and unmeasurable.  CHANGE!  Change is so diverse that politically that many of the same people voted for #45 that voted for President Obama both terms prior.  CHANGE!

As an agent of change, I’m a reflective person.  The end of the year me, beginning in the last quarter of the year (that’s the accountant in me) is spent reflecting on what has and has not being accomplished.  Going deeper, I review the people, issues, things around me that prohibited, contributed or distracted me from reaching goals, while accessing the time I have left in the year to really make a positive impact on the year to come.  REAL CHANGE, as real as it can get begins with knowing realistically, accepting and understanding where you are: in life, as it relates to your goals n dreams, with people, finances, your social circle and spiritually.  You cannot CHANGE or affect the future if you don’t understand the past!  Notice I said understand the past, that’s another topic, book, discussion for later (UNDERSTANDING IS EVERYTHING!).

Without reflection, one will continue to behave, respond, move, conduct business, engage with one another in the same manner he or she has done in the past.  It’s not until you are exposed that what you are doing could be ineffective or that your actions are producing the results you least desire; that one will even consider the notion of change.  I am ashamed of how many things I’ve endorsed, promoted, encouraged in my past that I now fully understand were not only ignorant but caused me some of my greatest disappointments in life!  Reflection of myself (not others, aka known as excuses and placing blame) allowed me to review my actions, correct behavioral patterns or should I say, identify behavioral patterns that weren’t conducive.  Some people reflect and find people to blame their shortcomings and downfalls; don’t get me wrong, your crowd matters but nothing can be the entire fault of another person, people can only do what you allow.  Reflection can and will reveal people that aren’t conducive for you and your future, but it again your future, your success is based on your actions! This acronym for change helps one examine just that, your actions and your patterns.

So, as I debut my original acronym for the word CHANGE, post 1 of many more to come; I hope it helps you to identify patterns, behaviors, ideas, concepts and things you can change to get the desired results you seek in 2018.

 

Queen of Questions

Queen of Acronyms

Queen “B” of doing Business Better

Choices & Consequences: Living with the Depth of your Choices

How do you make decisions/choices?  How long do you think about your options?  Have you ever just said, “I’ll deal with the consequences later?”  How long is later? A decision today will affect you for how long?

The above questions are crucial and ones to not take lightly.  The affects of one decision can be real long-term lasting longer than one remembering the decision he or she even made.  Making choices should never be taken lightly from your next purchase to career choices, every decision or choice made affects not only the present but the future.  A good decision propels one into the next level, moves them up, pushes one in the right direction set the tone for things to come, lays a foundation for one to build and grow.  The affects of a bad decision are lingering as well.  It works in the opposite direction as a setback, moving one away from goals etc… however, a bad decision much like a good one affects mind, body and soul.

Think about your worse decision ever made; from getting into a relationship to making wrong career moves, a bad decision lingers on and on and on.  It can have a domino effect knocking down a house of cards.  When one doesn’t take the time to evaluate bad choices, he or she can and probably will continue to make them, in an effort, to get out of the bad choices previously made.  Self-esteem takes a downward turn and any time one is reminded of their bad decision or watch the affects of choices play out in front of them, confidence decreases.  A bad decision can make one question everything about his or her life, thought process and even the ability to mange their life.  YES, I’ve been there.

A wrong financial move (spending money at the wrong time) can derail the budget and place one in debt that takes months to recover.  That’s why impulsive buys are detrimental.  Most people are pulling finances from limited financial resources, a missed bill, doubles or causes other bills to pile up and get behind.  Before he or she knows it, they are months off track financially.

A bad relationship decision takes years from one’s life.  Time spent or wasted on a person who isn’t right for you, means time away from the right person, not to mention the mental, social, financial, spiritual and physical ware and tare it causes.  Years go by and people still choose or don’t choose based on previous hurt.

Choices can have permanent consequences and therefore should be made soberly, cautiously and with thoughts of the current and the future.  Basically, when decisions/choices are made, one should look past the immediate need.

  • It sounds cliché but make a list of pros and cons which will force one to think about all the possible outcomes.
  • Be slow to make choices – remember, you have to live the choice made for life
  • Seek Wise Counsel – There is a lot of counsel out there and now that everyone has a social media platform the opinions are available 24/7.  Not all counsel is created equally.  SEEK WISE COUNSEL
  • Get unbiased counsel – sometimes people can be too close to help.  Relatives and close friends trade the truth for misguided loyalty.  Loyalty isn’t agreeing with everything one does, real loyalty is providing one with the truth.  Make sure you seek unbiased counsel.
  • THINK THINK THINK THINK before U do!
  • Sleep on it

I’m a firm believer that if people really understood the long-term affects of the consequences that accompany their choices, they would make better choices.  I know I would have.

KG

IN 2018…… IS 2018 YOUR YEAR?!

New-year-2018-WhatsApp-Images

BEFORE everyone begins their slogans of what to expect in 2018, let’s talk.  I’ve never been the person that enjoys being last minute, nor am I, the girl, who likes to just do what everyone else is doing just because.  I was raised to be a thinker, a planner, evaluator and a person of action and change.  I love a catchy phrase like everyone else but the practical part of me; the responsible portion of me hates to watch people be swayed thinking that the year will be magical because someone said it.  Better yet that somehow things will be greater than their preparation for it.  Let me be clear, God is going to do some amazing things in 2018 just like HE did in 2017, 2016, 2015, etc… “HE (God) is the same yesterday, today and forever more!”  Truth is God is like the church folks say, God is good, all the time, and all the time God is good!  The key is, where does your life stand?  What preparation have you completed or positioned for your life that should manifest in 2018?  Remember all seeds manifest, good, bad and even the ugly.

One of the wisest things (and there are several) that I have heard my Pastor, Bishop T.D. Jakes, say, is that the hardest part for a preacher is feeding God’s people.  The aggressive eaters grab everything and the passive miss too much so being able to give every member exactly what he or she needs is difficult.  That’s soooooooo true!  Thousands will attend what we in the church call, Watch Meet Service and there will be a lot of encouragement shared, good words going out and they are true.  However, the individual must be real about where he or she is in the midst of the good word!  Sometimes you’re at the beginning, sometimes in the middle and other times at the end of the process; then there are the times where that good word is seed for you, meaning you haven’t even began down the road.  Sometimes the things heard are new and fresh while others are ready for harvest; you are just now planting the seeds to begin a journey that they are completing and that’s okay, as long as you know where you are in the journey.

In 2018, you will receive the harvest for the seeds you’ve planted and cultivated.  Some seeds planted, you didn’t cultivate and as a result they died due to lack of attention. There are seeds planted you forgot about, didn’t mean to plant but they live on little to none attention and they will harvest in 2018, of course these are the seeds and the harvest you don’t want to receive.  Negative seeds grow fast like weeds and can kill the vegetation of a good seed.  Now I do not share this information say that all is lost, because it is not!  The year, 2018, can be great, but knowing what you planted in 2017, what requires uprooting and changing is the key.  You can never a great future without dealing with your past, otherwise it (the past) will come to haunt you every time.

  1. Evaluate the past, regroup and scoop! – Scoop up the seeds of weeds or negative things planted, fertilize the ground and plant new seeds
  2. The only to change the future is not just knowing the past but having a great understanding of the past! Once you understand the decisions you made and why you made them, then you can correct and grow from them.
  3. Cultivate the good seeds and starve the negative ones!
  4. No one said you had to wait for a new year to make changes, In 2018, use & live every day to its fullest. Use each day as a new beginning to accomplish your goals, feed your strengths, build relationships and starve weaknesses.
  5. Graze from the excitement of others but feed from within.
  6. Don’t compare your process, progress or success to others; even similar goals have different individuals with different backgrounds, strengths, weaknesses and challenges.  Comparing can take you back, set you back and make one abandon his or process.  Don’t do that!
  7. Make your own mistakes!  Everyone makes mistakes but the worse thing is to make mistakes based on the influence or advice of others.  You have to live with it and it wasn’t your decision.

This year of 2018, can the year of growth, change, and the best year of your life; but not because of a cliché but because of the work you do, the things you improve in and on, the difference you live by and the actions you take.

 

 

SOWING & REAPING, You can’t reap a Harvest in places U haven’t sown!

harvest1

Have you ever believed in something or someone and was later wrong?  Have you ever invested into people so much, gave so much and at the end of the relationship found out that there was nothing left for you?  Have you ever been wronged and felt the one who wronged you, got off?  Have you ever done the things you thought were right and felt that somehow you were still getting the short end of the stick?  Have you ever given your all to something and it didn’t give it back to you?  I’m sure many of us have experienced at least one of these questions.  You know where you have given your all, have done the things you felt were right and were wrong.  The worst part is that when you are doing something that you think is right, when do you find out it’s not?!

Okay, let’s put this in context. If you invested into a person or loved someone and did the things you thought would make them happy only to find out, it wasn’t enough or it wasn’t the right thing.  How would you feel?  I’ll tell you, mad, betrayed, upset, hurt, belittled and defeated; that’s just to name a few of the emotions.  Think of it like this, you cannot reap in places you haven’t sown. You cannot get a check from the Burger King Company if you are employed at McDonalds.  If you put more time in at work, then you can’t expect your family to be excited or just waiting on you at home.  Of course any man or woman who works to provide for his or her family would disagree and I get that point, to a degree…..however, where your time and energy goes so too shall your harvest.

Sowing and reaping is a principle!  It will stand the test of time, the test of people, the test of product.  It doesn’t matter what scenario you describe you can use the principle of sowing and reaping to determine where, how great and how valuable a harvest could become or not become.  It’s a principle and not a cliché .  The thing is most people tend to do things assuming, hoping and thinking that it will yield a certain return without testing along the way.

A thing can begin one way, and in the process of time, energy, change, seasons, growth, obstacles; the need and desires that were in the beginning have shifted.  If a person remains with the original plan for the sake of keeping the plan, all the work, the sowing will be in vain because what he or she hopes to reap will not be the same.  Let me give you an example.  Since we are using the terms, ‘sowing and reaping’, let’s use crops.  A farmer can begin or set out to plow the land for one crop and based on weather, climate, changes in the weather or seasons, realize that the original plan, while it was good at the time may require twerking.  Okay, first let me say this is a simplistic so don’t go too far and miss the point.  In the example, if the farmer had not cultivated or revisited his plan, meaning continued researching, continued watching weather reports, continued reviewing the plan;  he or she would have missed the signs that told him or her that the original plan should be aborted.

Relationships are the same way.  Two people begin in one manner but hopefully, prayerfully, both parties will grow.  Without revisiting with one another, without talking and making sure along the way that the needs of each partner are met, it is easy for one to outgrow the other person and separation enters.   It is possible to sow in a place for the right reason and still not reap the harvest one desired.  It’s possible to sow too long, too much, too often and then turn for help, comfort in a place that hasn’t been cultivated.  At that point, one could feel isolated and lonely.  However, expecting withdrawals from places where you have ceased to deposit is unrealistic.

What are you saying?  Simply in 2018, be mindful into the places where you sow!  Sowing is equivalent to planting.  Planting is to give people time, energy, space, attention, emotions, affection; when you give it all in one area in one place you cannot expect to look to another place to reap!

  • Parents we must have jobs to pay the bills, however the jobs do not have to have us all the time!
  • If you work, work while you are at work and stop allowing pressures and attempts to please and prove to others; make you take work home!
  • Learn to unwind, disengage from work on the way home so that when you get home you can sow into your family!
  • Sowing is continually for hours.  BALANCE!  Balance work and Balance Family.  Too often we balance family more than we do work but in the end, when the times are critical it is family we want.  Do not need help or comfort or expect a harvest in places you have neglected!  It will not be there and at that point you can blame no one.
  • Sow into yourself!  NO not buy yourself things, sow into you! Never lose the essence of who you are!  Sow value into you by what you say to yourself, how you see yourself.  Strengthen your strengths and starve your weaknesses.
  • EVALUATE! EVALUATE! EVALUATE!  We need to be scientists of our own lives!  Stop going through the motions, having the same arguments without reflecting on how, why and what causes them!  UUGh!  We quote “doing the same thing expecting different results is insanity” and yet we in our actions, we make no adjustments.  WHY? Because we tend to not evaluate what happened!  Usually, we remember how and why someone made us mad but fail to see how our language, tone, timing or any other emotions affected what or how the other person felt.  We tend to keep our same habits but want different results!  HELLO!  Habits aren’t principles!  They can change and habits will not stand the test of time, etc… because if a habit is killing us, we will and must change or stop it!

EVALUATE! THINK! REVISIT!

If you aren’t sowing the harvest you expect, go back and trace your seeds!

RELATIONSHIPS, The Honesty of it All?

relationships

Relationships are tricky.  Whether it’s just friends, best friends, family or romantic relationships, they are very tricky.  Every guru will tell you communication is key.  Some of us, who are not considered gurus even know how to say that communication is key but somewhere between what we say, what we do is vastly different.  As simplistic as it seems and sounds, communication doesn’t occur.

We tend to forget to say things we assume the other person to know.  We forget to tell our friend, “thank you”, “I appreciate you”, “you’re welcome” and so forth.  We easily take our significant others for granted, not telling them’ “I love you”, “you look nice”, “I missed you” and “you matter.”  Of course, we all know the cliché behind assuming but it doesn’t stop us from doing it.  We tend to assume how people feel based on ourselves, our fears, thoughts, ideas and our own way of thinking.  In doing so, often we are wrong, ill-informed and the actions one takes are detrimental, crucial and sometimes irreversible.   It would be better to ask, get clarity rather than to do the former.  Ironically though, more people move, take actions, and make decisions based on their assumptions.  Fear of conflict, confrontation and the possibility of awkwardness makes one more inclined to go along with the status quo but at the same time leave his or herself.

Relationships require compromise, but that compromise shouldn’t be yourself, the essence of who you are, what you believe and your character.  Without the freedom to speak up for yourself, or to be honesty with the people you are closet to, you will lose yourself in their ideas and thoughts.  It’s never healthy to agree or go along with every thought or idea that another has.  Disagreeing is healthy.  You are exposed to new things, thoughts and concepts and in any type of relationship, you are exposed to the possibility of getting closer to one another.  Simply put, if you can’t be honest with a person that you call a friend, family member, or lover then you really don’t have a relationship.

Relationships at their best include times of greatness and times of awkwardness.  Good times, bad times and even a few ugly moments. My motto is, “until we can disagree, get upset and make up, then we really aren’t friends”.  There is no foundation in the relationship to stand on until those things occur.  Anyone can be happy or get along when you agree on everything, it’s in the conflict of a disagreement that you learn about people, who they are, who they are not and what you can and should expect from them.

Relationships are great, very important, and the healthy ones are based on honesty.  Having said that, remember, remain honest with yourself and others, it’s the only one to have and establish great relationships.  A relationship that can’t take honesty, isn’t real or worth having.

Kimberly Davis

LEADERSHIP IN THE WORKPLACE, LEAVES MUCH TO BE DESIRED

The ability to influence people is subjective and wide spread.  Influence is based on the needs, desires, attitudes of people which cannot be pre-determined.  Equally so, people that require leadership are not always accurate about what they need in a leader.  I’m amazed, shocked, and sometimes disappointed at the people that are promoted and followed on social media threads.  Some people may even feel that way about me and my blog, after all, opinions are abundant and often expressed.  The thing that concerns me is that not all of those with influence use it responsibly or use it wisely.

Unfortunately, I’ve worked with numerous people and under diverse leadership, some of which has embarrassed me immensely.  Seriously, some of the people that I’ve worked with or for make me question my very influence and mindset.  Their ignorance is my motivation for ensuring I’m not an employee (even if it is contract) for the rest of my life and hopefully to pass that on to my next generation.

Leadership in the workplace is becoming increasingly abusive, invasive, rude and bias.  It’s quite concerning.  When people stop thinking or being concerned about people as “individuals”, it’s dangerous to society.  Unfortunately, whether we want to admit it or not, we don’t see people as individuals but a collective body according to race, ethnicity and our “hood”.  Yep, I said, “hood”, short for neighborhood, although when most people hear that term, their thoughts turn to that of African-American Community.  However, most people are prejudiced by their immediate influences.  Their ideas about how a person functions, thinks, operates are based upon their own without the option to consider, entertain or even understand the diverse cultures, ethnicities that live and work in the U.S.

The culture of a company is determined by the leaders and managers as well as owners.  When leadership is closed to the cultures that it serves, the treatment of employees becomes abusive.  There is a niche of small companies that continue to run through employees like running water.  Unfortunately, these companies hire quickly, pay decently (not market but better than minimum) which is why they attract employees.   On the flip side, they replace quickly, leave too many employees feeling doubt and ruin the workforce.

There was a time when leadership went through training to learn how to lead and now it’s just a matter of having the ‘financial means’ to be in charge places one in a leadership position, whether he or she is fit to walk in those shoes or not.  Leadership in the workplace impacts the confidence and not to mention the livelihood of employees.

Leadership has a responsibility to treat people with respect without leaning toward our own prejudices and fears against diverse cultures.  Leadership should always attend workshops, get understanding and knowledge from Human Resource professionals to ensure that they continue to grow as people and as leaders.

  • Be open to learning and gaining an understanding about how people think individual and not lump them in categories based on ethnicity.
  • Remember that most of the ideas we have about other cultures is biased and based on the things the media portrays.
  • Be open to learning people
  • Do not allow the pains from the past to control future decisions – As an employer, you will always have employees that have to be fired, that may hurt your business or even cause your business problems, but it is more important to not allow those employees to change, alter or hurt current and/or future employees.
  • Treat people the way that you would like them to treat you, even if you feel you have more power or means than the people you employ.

Leadership requires people to think beyond their feelings.  Too often leaders don’t do that.  The greatest resource is human resource and mistreatment of human resources means that your business will suffer eventually.