Communication vs Talking; there is a difference.

Image result for image of a couple trying to communicate with one another

Things said, explained and understood; become things learned and knowledge acquired.  It’s called communication which technically does not occur until the person speaking is understood by the person listening.  Too often there is more talking back and forth and less communicating.  Most people never stop to hear what the person said to them and far less time getting an understanding of what they actually meant to say.

Speaking has always been a cultural thing.  There is correct English and then there is the English we speak commonly on a day-to-day basis.  There was a time when the emphasis on correct English was hard, fast and iron clad and that seems to be falling away.  I listen to people all the time and realize that they do not know how to correctly conjugate a verb to save their life and most have used improper English for so long that they don’t even know how to correct it!  The point is, the art of communication has been getting lost for some time and technology wave isn’t helping it at all.  Some people hide behind the technology as an excuse to not communicate effectively or efficiently or at all! Some people think the technology hides their tone but even emails and texts carry the message loud and clear, messages that probably shouldn’t be hidden anyway.

When you communicate with people you love, it should be truthful even when the truth may hurt.  I never said ignore tact but let’s face it, the truth can hurt but the ability to be honest with people you love is priceless.  Notice I used the term communicate and not talk.  Communication in this sense is to make sure what you said is what’s understood.  Often that gray area holds the key to so many misunderstandings, arguments, discussions, disappointment, breakups and yes divorce.

Men and women think, act and therefore communicate differently.  Women tend to think more about the relationship and how they feel and often express their feelings clearer.  For a man to communicate, a woman has to be patient and listen.  Since men spend most of their time trying NOT to talk, forget communicating.  Men either get intimidated or frustrated when asked to explain what they meant when they said something.  To them, it’s a like a trick question; for a woman it’s gaining clarity.  People tend to choose talking over communication because it’s quicker and most just want to argue, disagree and fuss rather than resolve.

Talking ensures that a person will get off his or her chest, their feelings, it doesn’t guarantee that those feelings were understood which means a 90% chance those same things will or must be addressed again.  Communication says not only did I hear what you said, I understood it and now I can either work on it or respond back to you appropriately; either way dialogue is now in effect.  Dialogue is good.  It’s better than just talking dialogue means remaining on subject about the discussion at hand and communicating on it until resolve.

Communication actually solves issues, talking guarantees something to talk again.  Communication requires work and a lot of that work is nonverbal, there’s thinking, feeling and attempting to see something from the perspective of the person you are speaking with.  Talking just means having a response after the other person is done speaking.  We talk without thinking and that’s never a good thing.  Communication breeds understanding, acceptance, tolerance and truth.  You may never totally agree with your mate, friend or other people in life but understanding them and the differences between the two of you can bring you to at minimum a place of truth.  Relationships grow in truth and understanding!

Let’s communicate and grow and allow others to grow!

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THINGS SAID, THINGS ASSUMED

Love is

Far too often we say the things that we want to take back and never say the things we want people to know especially those close to us.  In doing so, we tend to live with regrets.  The thing about our mouth and the words we speak is that we tend to not realize the power, impact and the life of the words!  Words are never ending.  One can apologize but that doesn’t change the impact of the words spoken good or bad.  Even after the apology the victims of those hurt by the words spoken; live with the emotional, social, psychological and even spiritual scars for years to come.  Not a believer yet?  African-Americans, Black people (whichever u prefer) have lived under the negative words spoken to them and about them in private and public.  Other ethnic groups with limited knowledge of black people believed the stereotypes and the media hype as the truth.  The words used to describe this particular group of people; specifically, in the media, have become the norm and set the tone for the treatment and/or mistreatment of them as a group and never as individuals.  Words are scars that never heal and once spoken can never be unspoken. Simply put the power of words is often underestimated.  

When placed in this context, it would seem that, or one would hope that, more people would understand this and choose their words carefully.  Some people are careless about words because they don’t understand the importance or severity of their words.  For most, usage of words that harm and hurt are often the result of being hurt.  When forced people will do and yes say anything to protect his or herself.  That’s a natural human response and yet our natural responses lead to so much pain and abuse.  One never outgrows his or her human traits, good or bad, but you learn to practice self-control which helps one to make better choices, control the way you express yourself.  It is better to error on the side of caution rather than the side of speaking negativity.  Positive words have never come back to haunt anyone.

Life is full of choices, things we decide things to do and things to say.  Communicate effectively, efficiently and often.  Tell those closest to you the things you like, dislike and desire to improve.  Most importantly don’t spend all your time being angry or telling people how mad you are, or just the things you don’t like.  Tell them you love them verbally even when you feel your actions show it.  Let them know just how important they are to you.  Do not just assume they know or understand your actions.

There are things we say, there are things we assume, YOUR LOVE FOR THOSE CLOSEST TO YOU, SHOULD NEVER BE ASSUMED.

KIMBERLY DAVIS