Communication vs Talking; there is a difference.

Image result for image of a couple trying to communicate with one another

Things said, explained and understood; become things learned and knowledge acquired.  It’s called communication which technically does not occur until the person speaking is understood by the person listening.  Too often there is more talking back and forth and less communicating.  Most people never stop to hear what the person said to them and far less time getting an understanding of what they actually meant to say.

Speaking has always been a cultural thing.  There is correct English and then there is the English we speak commonly on a day-to-day basis.  There was a time when the emphasis on correct English was hard, fast and iron clad and that seems to be falling away.  I listen to people all the time and realize that they do not know how to correctly conjugate a verb to save their life and most have used improper English for so long that they don’t even know how to correct it!  The point is, the art of communication has been getting lost for some time and technology wave isn’t helping it at all.  Some people hide behind the technology as an excuse to not communicate effectively or efficiently or at all! Some people think the technology hides their tone but even emails and texts carry the message loud and clear, messages that probably shouldn’t be hidden anyway.

When you communicate with people you love, it should be truthful even when the truth may hurt.  I never said ignore tact but let’s face it, the truth can hurt but the ability to be honest with people you love is priceless.  Notice I used the term communicate and not talk.  Communication in this sense is to make sure what you said is what’s understood.  Often that gray area holds the key to so many misunderstandings, arguments, discussions, disappointment, breakups and yes divorce.

Men and women think, act and therefore communicate differently.  Women tend to think more about the relationship and how they feel and often express their feelings clearer.  For a man to communicate, a woman has to be patient and listen.  Since men spend most of their time trying NOT to talk, forget communicating.  Men either get intimidated or frustrated when asked to explain what they meant when they said something.  To them, it’s a like a trick question; for a woman it’s gaining clarity.  People tend to choose talking over communication because it’s quicker and most just want to argue, disagree and fuss rather than resolve.

Talking ensures that a person will get off his or her chest, their feelings, it doesn’t guarantee that those feelings were understood which means a 90% chance those same things will or must be addressed again.  Communication says not only did I hear what you said, I understood it and now I can either work on it or respond back to you appropriately; either way dialogue is now in effect.  Dialogue is good.  It’s better than just talking dialogue means remaining on subject about the discussion at hand and communicating on it until resolve.

Communication actually solves issues, talking guarantees something to talk again.  Communication requires work and a lot of that work is nonverbal, there’s thinking, feeling and attempting to see something from the perspective of the person you are speaking with.  Talking just means having a response after the other person is done speaking.  We talk without thinking and that’s never a good thing.  Communication breeds understanding, acceptance, tolerance and truth.  You may never totally agree with your mate, friend or other people in life but understanding them and the differences between the two of you can bring you to at minimum a place of truth.  Relationships grow in truth and understanding!

Let’s communicate and grow and allow others to grow!

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HOW ACCURATE IS YOUR VIEW OF YOU?

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The last blog, I wrote, discussed having a ‘good’ view of oneself.  The view of yourself is directly connected to your level of self-esteem or lack thereof.  While it is important to have a healthy mindset of who you are as a person, it is not good to have a ‘false’ sense of who you are.  In other words, you cannot rewrite the scenario of events to ensure you are always the victim, to imply that anything negative or bad that happens to you is beyond your control, actions or decisions.  We all know that to be impossible, yet it is amazing to me those that share that version of his or herself and the things that they have encountered in life.

I have been writing a book now for a few years.  The 1st version of that book, when I thought I was ready to edit the book, was ridiculous.  As I read the paragraphs, literally there was painful event upon painful event describing what people did to me and how they made me feel.  I recalled events, situations and problems accurately and somewhat vividly but in those situations, it was all about what happened to me.  Never did I have write about my series of bad choices that lead me to be in situations; bad judgment, running from the pains of life, loneliness and even a little despair.  In my review of my past, I found myself embarrassed.  I mean really some of my decisions were down right ignorant.  I couldn’t even really understand the decisions I made or why I made them.  Now let’s be clear, the things that I encountered were real, painful and abusive at the hands of others, however, it was my decision to be and even remain with and under their control.

The point?  Having an accurate view of oneself, means accepting your low times that are directly connected to your weaknesses, you know we all have them.  While it may be embarrassing and painful, in order to, really grow, the truth about who you are, what you have done and how you contributed to your “current situation” is crucial to changing and improving your NEXT Situation.

I am a huge advocate for people being honest and I dislike being around people or having people in my circle who do not care enough to be honest with me. I mention this because, to have an accurate picture of you means having a friend that you allow to “check” you per se. During my period of darkness, those in my circle, never cared for me enough to be honest with me, about me.  It was then I knew I had to change my circle and I did.  People can gain and even gleam from watching you be a failure.  It makes them feel good about their situation.

Having an accurate view of who you are isn’t all bad, nor all good or all victim; it is a combination of your strengths, weaknesses, hopes, ideas, and thoughts.  Once you know them, embrace them and walk in them accordingly, you become powerful beyond your greatest expectations.

Kimberly Davis

GET YO HUSTLE MIND

HUSTLE MAN!

 

Hustle man, I believe was one of the favorites on the hit TV show “Martin.”  The actor Tracy Morgan gave us laughs every time he was on the show.  Hustle is a very common word in the African American Community.   It’s the word we used before many of us understood or respected Entrepreneurs and Entrepreneurship.  Yes, for many those words were taboo.

There is a discipline that comes from working for someone.  They tell when you  when to come in, how long you get a break, what you can do, what you cannot do, how long for lunch and when you leave.  They even dictate for you the order you do your work, the way it is prioritized and then evaluate how well the work is performed.   However a majority of society still feel that the pursuit of obtaining a job (just-over-broke, jumping-over-bills) is by far the most admirable thing one can do.   In the African American Community, too often an entrepreneur meant someone who couldn’t hold a job or keep one long, it would also be the ‘code’ for illegal activity.  There were so many things that could go wrong for the person that didn’t work the regular 9-5.  He or she stood out and standing out has never been a good thing in the hood.  (I refuse to go into the details of that last statement because it would change the entire blog, we’ll discuss later).

Hustle was a dance move in the 70’s, but more importantly in the African-American community it was used to describe that person in the streets that worked multiple jobs, angles to provide a living for his or her family hence the funny character known as Hustle Man.  Every community has one!  I would argue that the best and most successful entrepreneurs have a hustle mentality that is key to their success!

I could refer to Webster but I will not.  A hustle mentality for an entrepreneur is having multiple plans for not returning to a job.  In Caucasian terms, (please no offense, I’m exaggerating for effect not offense) the term would be building an empire or enterprise.  Basically, one would take a series of jobs, or hustles and make them work.  It’s something as Black people we’ve done for years just to survive.  Accustomed to never being paid enough to do the same job as a white counterpart, taking on other jobs has always been the plan!  The jobs became entrepreneurial and at one point the service industry was shades of black n brown.  Somewhere along the line, we lost the hustle as opportunities opened up for more professional jobs.  Nothing wrong with the professionals, the doctors, the lawyers, nurses, scientists, paralegals, bankers and the like but if one is to survive and thrive, we’ve got to get the hustle mind back!

As an entrepreneur, the ability to focus on multiple projects is key.  I’ve heard people say recently that we as people don’t really multi-task but yet on every job description, I read the ability to do so has landed me in multiple places.  Not only that, as a woman, I multi-task daily balancing work n family and oh yea my hustle!  I digress.  Part of the entrepreneurial pursuit is being successful and that formula must include being focused enough to complete a pursuit and yet focused enough to work on others as well.  Having an entrepreneurial hustle may mean working two projects at once or working a regular job while building the business on the side.  It can be done but not with a limited mind.

The entrepreneurial mind has to grasp the concept and the discipline of working for another and yet understand the grasp of leadership and building USING the discipline gained from being under leadership.  He or she has to have a hustle, a get up and go when everyone else is stopping and resting.  He or she has to multi-task, working today but planning and thinking about tomorrow.  YEA it sounds impossible and sometimes it feels that way but entrepreneurship and a hustle mentality is beyond the right here and right now, it’s only for those who are really generational changers!

We called the guy in the hood a hustle man because often his product would change.  One day he was selling t-shirts, the next day purses, the next hour hats and the last thirty minutes of the day, watches.   People would laugh at the hustle man talking about how confused he was or that he couldn’t keep a job.  I wonder why we don’t laugh at ourselves going to work for enough money to keep us coming back the next day.  (just say hmmm)  NO One has ever gotten rich nor will they ever get rich working for someone else.  Not only that, the more you make the more you spend.  The thing about a hustle mind is the value of the dollar is ever present in your mind.  The discipline (ah ha) of having to make things happen takes your mind to new levels, new ideas and possibilities.  All of a sudden, you think more and think greater than 40 hrs a week and two weeks vacation.  It causes you to leave the wheel, hamster.

Yeah get the hustle mind back!

What does it mean to be Blessed?

What is a blessing?  How do they come and what constitutes one being blessed or not being blessed?  I must admit that there were times when I was blessed but didn’t realize it.  I don’t mean the regular things like waking up because some people really didn’t or like having activities of my limbs because some people don’t; or being in m right mind or having a job; none of those things.  I remember feeling helpless like I was watching the world pass me by.  I remember being in a place of wanting and desiring more but feeling as if I had no way to obtain or gain more.  If you are that person who goes with the status quo, you will know understand this.  If you are that person that feels you are destined to just have enough and that enough is good enough, you will not understand this at all!  However if you are that person who knows he or she is destined for more, desire more, and even believe you should have more; this is for you.

Sometimes in life the conventional way isn’t your way.  Often when you want more out of life and it would seem that you are unable to obtain it that people will send you back to the conventional way and that may work depending on your age; but what do you do when you are older and you know that time isn’t on your side but yet you feel that your purpose hasn’t passed you by?  Conventional methods could prove to be unrealistic for you for many reasons, do you die with your hope?

Being blessed isn’t really always a tangible thing.  Blessed is a state of mind, a method of being in one’s mind.  It means that despite circumstances one has decided to live above and beyond the state of what is and begin dwelling in the possibilities of what can be!  Blessed is the way one views his or her life, it is about perception and perception is based on what’s inner peace.  Viewing the same glass of water half empty or half full is based on the way views his or her life, circumstances and the like.  While circumstances of life happens to us all; the person who is blessed is the one who knows that despite what happens your trust is in the hands of your God, that when one source fails another one for will open.

I must admit I didn’t always understand being blessed until recently.  It took a series of events to begin to show me what was within me and HOW TO USE what was inside to get to the place of my desire.  Voids are designed to be filled by God and while we are prone to look to people because God uses people; don’t overlook yourself.   There was a time when I looked at people and wondered why or who would be the blessing I needed to go to the next level and it would appear I was overlooked until I begin to really tap into what lie within me.  I begin to nurture the gifts and instead of saying why and what I couldn’t do, I saw what I could; became creative, explored, and grew!   Now am I where I desire to be?  NO not in the least but I am so far from where I was.  Instead of being aware of all that I didn’t and don’t have, I am more aware of what I do have and the power that lies within.

People aren’t prone to just give one everything or place everything in your hand for you to be successful and when you think about it; it makes sense.  Too often one will make claims of all that they would do if they had the money but if one has the mind to invest he or she can begin by investing the small, the little that he or she has in reach and watching it grow!

The next time you find yourself watching others around you seemingly prosper ask yourself what gifts do you have that you aren’t using and how you can use them to walk in the arena of being blessed.

 

Bits N Pieces

Nothing happens overnight, no one grows overnight, no one matures overnight, nothing produces overnight everything that grows, matures, succeeds requires time and process.  The thing is the time is a luxury most do not have but it is required before things develop.  It is like a catch 22, one wants things to happen quickly but quick things never last and so a cycle of frustration begins.  The thing one must know and understand is that time alone does nothing.  Time is an element that combined with quality, education, stimulation, motivation, sacrifice, discipline, counseling and most importantly with God accomplishes much!  God moves in bits and pieces, He is the ultimate carpenter putting the pieces of our life together in a unique blend empowering us in moments, balancing the strengths and weaknesses we have as humans.

If we knew the complete plan of God for our life, we would only hinder ourselves because many of us would reach for the good, the harvest, the return without going through the process.  Our impatience to become or fill destiny would overshadow our need to grow and develop naturally into what or who are to become.  Anything that happens too quickly is something unlikely to last because one would lack the fortitude, the knowledge and experience required to maintain that one accomplishes.  Bits n pieces may seem insignificant but only if you don’t understand or appreciate the big picture.  The big picture may not always be clear but knowing just knowing there is one should be enough and sometimes it HAS to be enough to motivate and stimulate one to hold on for the end.

On your way to your destiny enjoy the ride, know your bits n pieces.  Understand and celebrate your areas of growth, cling to them, hold them so that you can continue building.  The things we learn in life are never meant to be fly by night or lost but rather become a foundation for future growth.  The puzzle may be weird right now and to others you may seem a mess, full of inconsistencies but if you are growing, changing and evolving don’t worry about others the picture will eventually show to them and until then be satisfied with each little step knowing that those steps lead to greater steps.

Bits N Pieces, the bits are the nuggets, chances that God shows to us and when used appropriate the bits become opportunities.  Sometimes the opportunities seem small in comparison to what you need or even desire but everything begins small and grows larger with cultivation.  Cultivation has to come despite, around and through obstacles.

The Pieces represent God’s revelation of who we are in Him step by step.  Putting the pieces together can be real frustrating but even harder is living up to one’s fullness despite understanding the piece or moment of time in which we are living and yet doing so with enthusiasm and as if you are completely comfortable in everything at all times.

When the Bits N Pieces come together do your part so that the picture will be pretty.

 

Process, the overlooked step

Growing, moving, changing, developing, getting better; from one level to another, all require process.  The media sensationalizes the over night sensation or success of starts, singers, actors/actresses; for the minority their rise may have been overnight but the overwhelming majority will tell you that moving from one level to the next, growing, becoming the person one feels he or she was destined is more than an overnight thing but a process of steps, a series of events and a lapse of time that one was overlooked before he or she was promoted in any area on any level.

Contrary to popular belief success doesn’t happen overnight, while it may be televised overnight, the road to success is a process.  Process is such an unstable thing, because in the midst of growing process is ugly.  Process is an inbetween stage and from first glance it is chaotic, an array of things happening at once which seem not to be moving in any type of direction and seemingly unrelated.  For when one grows it is not just a physical thing but an emotional, mental, social and sometimes spiritual growth all in one.   So as the body is growing to prepare for the next thing, there is a series of changes occurring simultaneously and those changes are process.  If you have ever watched one bake anything from scratch[the new generation may not understand this] there are a series of steps which seem unrelated and unnecessary that one will take to ensure the finish product is good not only to taste but sight as well.  Looking at the kitchen of a baker is worse because often the process of putting the ingredients together require space and lots of it as well as measuring cups, pans and so forth.  Likewise is the transformation or metamorphis that occurs when a person is moving from one state in his or her life to the next.  On the outside he or she may appear careless, without a plan, without hope and doomed for failure especially when those looking undervalue and misunderstand the power of process.

Before you make it to the finish product there is process or preparation that must occur.  Sometimes one has to be willing to look a mess for a season in order to be complete for a lifetime.