Relationships are tricky.  Whether it’s just friends, best friends, family or romantic relationships, they are very tricky.  Every guru will tell you communication is key.  Some of us, who are not considered gurus even know how to say that communication is key but somewhere between what we say, what we do is vastly different.  As simplistic as it seems and sounds, communication doesn’t occur.

We tend to forget to say things we assume the other person to know.  We forget to tell our friend, “thank you”, “I appreciate you”, “you’re welcome” and so forth.  We easily take our significant others for granted, not telling them’ “I love you”, “you look nice”, “I missed you” and “you matter.”  Of course, we all know the cliché behind assuming but it doesn’t stop us from doing it.  We tend to assume how people feel based on ourselves, our fears, thoughts, ideas and our own way of thinking.  In doing so, often we are wrong, ill-informed and the actions one takes are detrimental, crucial and sometimes irreversible.   It would be better to ask, get clarity rather than to do the former.  Ironically though, more people move, take actions, and make decisions based on their assumptions.  Fear of conflict, confrontation and the possibility of awkwardness makes one more inclined to go along with the status quo but at the same time leave his or herself.

Relationships require compromise, but that compromise shouldn’t be yourself, the essence of who you are, what you believe and your character.  Without the freedom to speak up for yourself, or to be honesty with the people you are closet to, you will lose yourself in their ideas and thoughts.  It’s never healthy to agree or go along with every thought or idea that another has.  Disagreeing is healthy.  You are exposed to new things, thoughts and concepts and in any type of relationship, you are exposed to the possibility of getting closer to one another.  Simply put, if you can’t be honest with a person that you call a friend, family member, or lover then you really don’t have a relationship.

Relationships at their best include times of greatness and times of awkwardness.  Good times, bad times and even a few ugly moments. My motto is, “until we can disagree, get upset and make up, then we really aren’t friends”.  There is no foundation in the relationship to stand on until those things occur.  Anyone can be happy or get along when you agree on everything, it’s in the conflict of a disagreement that you learn about people, who they are, who they are not and what you can and should expect from them.

Relationships are great, very important, and the healthy ones are based on honesty.  Having said that, remember, remain honest with yourself and others, it’s the only one to have and establish great relationships.  A relationship that can’t take honesty, isn’t real or worth having.

Kimberly Davis