WHO DO MEN SAY YOU ARE?

There is a difference between 1) the person you think you are, the person, 2) you are, the 3) person you would like to be and 4) the person, people perceive you to be; just how wide that gap is for you depends on how well you know yourself, how well you listen to those around you and to whom you yield yourself for correction.

Truthful, most people are not as great as they think they are.  Some, few people are honest enough to say or admit how diverse they are as people.  Too often, people are stuck on being the nicest, sweetest, smartest, and most kind; when in fact, people have a range of personality traits and those traits are based on a person’s moods and their moods are generally based on the circumstances surrounding them.  Character is different.  A person’s character is displayed consistently in any behavior.  Sometimes the character traits are prominent and dominant.  Other times the traits are subtle, but present nevertheless.

There is a difference between the person one is, the person he or she desires to be, and the person he or she is perceived to be to others.  Ideally, people would love to believe they are all the same, but in reality, they are not. It’s impossible to navigate life and all its circumstances and never change!  In fact, not only is it impossible, it is also NOT beneficial at all to remain the same! To grow means changing and hopefully to change is growth!  However, it is the desire of most to be seen as stable, dependable, and reliable.  Most people would like to be remembered a certain way by friends, family and community, the desire to be viewed in a positive light is ever present.  The thing is judging occurs daily, hourly, and by the minute. It is easy in this day and time to be judged or captured in video or photo on your worse day and for that image to become the backdrop for whom, one is believed to be.  It is never good to be judged by one moment, one photo, one action, one perspective; because any one person can be wrong.

I’ve said this before in previous writings and I will say it again; you should always have a team, an inner circle that can speak to you, that you allow to check you, that can tell you wrong from right, that you allow you to disagree with you and make sure you stay true to your word. That’s powerful and very empowering at the same time.  Too often, hearing a word of correction is the last thing most people want, but it definitely what we need.  I grew up with two parents that showed an enormous amount of love, encouragement and patience!  I was always provided with a great foundation of support but more importantly, honesty!  If I wasn’t good at something, I was told.  If my actions weren’t so ‘cute’, I was checked! I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GRATEFUL. Fast forward to adulthood and for a period of my life, when I was at my lowest, I had a crowd of followers.  SMH! The top voice in the crowd, excused, explained away, justified, ALL my actions even the most ignorant.  She cheered me on even when I was wrong as two left shoes.  While she cheered and even supported me, she would do subtle actions that were opposite ALL my actions.  I watched as she appeared  to advance while I continued to fail. When I came to myself, I quickly realized that this had never been a friend, she was a frenemy!  My dysfunction provided her comfort, enjoyment and pleasure.  It was like as long as I can watch her fail (meaning me), she felt great about herself.  Well I cut ties with that frenemy.  It was so subtle, she never saw it coming.  To this day, she cannot put finger or mouth on when we disconnected or why, it just understood and respected.  There wasn’t an argument, a discussion or a huge scene, the ties were cut and my life began to soar!  That was a turning point for me and how I decide the people I allow close to me!

I only want honest people who love me close to me!  If you cannot give me the truth, depart from me! It’s embarrassing to walk around thinking you know something or that you are perceived one way, when in fact, your actions are perceived negatively and the results speak for themselves.  The lack of productivity, the lack and limitation in opportunities which lead to diminishing resources are from a false perception of the person or attitude one thinks he or she is demonstrating. In the words of your grandmother, “everybody can’t be wrong!”  In my case, they were not! They people I was offending, the people I didn’t know who were telling me, I needed to change were right. Because I had a team player who benefited from my dysfunction AND (most importantly) because the person I thought I was, wasn’t the person I was demonstrating to others!

I wasn’t alone.  Most people are not the person that they think they are.  The actions done aren’t always the best actions or the actions aren’t always perceived or received by others the way one believes that he or she is.  Ask yourself, am I in a position to correct myself often, or explain my actions too much? How many times have I been told that I did or said something inappropriately?  Are people saying to me that I am rude or that what I said or did hurt?  Do misunderstandings follow me? Is the message lost in the delivery? These are a just a few questions that one can ask his or herself to find the balance in their everyday personality.

To become the best version of yourself, to continually improve who you are; requires identity checks on yourself.  First check should always be self-check. One should never live under the delusion that he or she is flawless or lack room for improvement.  I worked with a young lady who perceived herself in that manner and it was anything but pleasant! It was quite exhausting because to do her job, she evaluated EVERYTHING the company did or ask her do from her minimal perspective and questioned it, as if her view was the ONLY View. Yea, exhausting!  Never mind she was young, never owned a company, could barely manage her own life….I digress.  However, remember that we all have flaws, evaluate them on a regular basis and improve on them daily.

Secondly, instead of one person, have a few people that you can trust to tell you, when you need to change some things.  I say a few, because every now and then, people can come into your life for a season and improve or change your thought pattern. Of course a strong inner circle is important, but I must admit, I’ve been gifted a few times to learn from co-workers either things to do or things NOT to do.  I’ve met a few people who provided another look at things I thought I was secure in how I felt or that my perception was the right one.

Thirdly, learn from observation.  I’m a people watcher.  I observed their actions, responses and reactions to people, places and things.  There have been times when I’ve had the privilege of watching myself through the lens of others and when I didn’t like what I saw, could apply those lessons to my actions.

Perception is subjective, however, when a group of people give you the same feedback, especially people who do not know one another, just maybe, it’s worth grabbing that mirror and taking a look at the person who is sent out each day to represent you.

 

WHO DO MEN SAY YOU ARE?