I must admit after the last post titled; “Love is Enough.” The reviews were mixed including the thoughts from my soon to be ex-husband. Most of the thoughts included comments like, “people don’t see it that way”, or “I’m not sure about that”. I didn’t write or post for approval. I know God is leading me to post, to write. I’ve always been the person that God could & can trust to discuss my pain, my downfall, to review my steps & grow from them. I’ve also been the one bold enough to admit my faults & mistakes privately and publicly. It’s God’s gift to me (I know that now). I embraced this. For the most part, when people gave the feedback about “Love is enough” it wasn’t because they discounted the truth, but it’s hard to accept the truth. We live in a day where people re-write, change or make alterations to fit their life rather than to be led by purpose or God. There is no debate that God is Love. God sends us people, HE places us with one another because HE knows us then, and later. HE MAKES NO MISTAKES. The problem isn’t God=LOVE, it is us and the people who we allow to inflitrate our mind & way of thinking, consciously & sub-consciously. That’s why we must be careful of who we allow to feed us. We then have a responsibility to digest what’s been fed. Too often we are chasing sermon af

When I first began to blog about my divorce, I hoped to speak to me and my then husband, but he’s since decided to file for divorce and I have graciously released him. As he moves forward, one of the most painful things he is doing is using the things I taught him, the things that hurt me as his wife, in his new relationship. Things I shared over and over, begged him to implement, all of a sudden now he understands & implements. The thing is that’s not how it works, but I digress. Knowing that almost made me walk in disobedience and not post or disclose the things I’ve learned, but I fear God, I respect God, I trust God more than I want him (my husband). I will obey & worship the GIVER over the gifts. I didn’t ask, begin, or look for him (my husband) so if I didn’t start it, it’s not on me to finish it. In other words, God sent him, who knows what God is setting me up for next and God has never let me down. So I continue to post, share & empower.

Words are powerful. The cliches are coming swiftly & often now. The culture, the world since the pandemic has become a sea of philosophy & philosophers. Everyone is a scientist, discussing & deciphering the energy of one another, using sage, meditation, magical moments, any and everything for the good feeling daily. We say things like; “life is too short”, “positive vibes only“, and other phrases to justify decisions we make. While some of those phrases have truth in or around them, they are not rooted in a firm understanding. 1) You cannot build anything on cliches. The truth will make you free but you will not always feel positive or good vibes from it. The truth will hurt you! When I talk about my marriage, both the ups & downs of both of our actions, the truth is, it hurt. I hurt knowing or seeing my ignorance in the demise of it. So while the truth isn’t positive, it does free me.

2) Building on deciding things based on what the culture is saying is like building a house of straw & wondering why it collaspsed. The culture is people & people are fickle. Their mind changes all the time & everyday. Today their woke, tomorrow it’s energy, the next day the culture is jet setting, the next day is this or that. The same people who attend a wedding & giving good energy will be the same people standing around talking about both of you, when the marriage doesn’t last. As I’ve mentioned before, to my surprise, there were so many people around me that I assumed knew me, but they did not. Likewise, I learned that not only did some of them not know me, they didn’t like me either. It took that place of vulnerability for me to see them clearly. ANYTHING you build must be built on a firm foundation, a solid foundation! Solid meaning without cracks in the foundation. The lack of cracks doesn’t mean the foundation is perfect but it means that the foundation can withstand the weight added to it, much like a marriage. God is clear, in your marriage, it’s the couple and God. The foundation is God. That’s not to say that the foundation will not experience wear & tare, but in those times, you go back & resolidfy the foundation.

When I think about marriage and the vows where it says; “for better or worse”, immediately I think of the push back. The first thoughts that come into play from close friends & family would be: “I’m not going to take this or that”, “I have boundaries/limits”, “it shouldn’t be that hard”, “life is too short to be unhappy”, “what if he or she does this or that?” I’m not ignorant. All of those questions listed could be valid reasons, justifications, excuses and/or circumstances & situations. However, marriage is sacred and not to be entered into lightly. Rather than going into the marriage thinking of ALL THE DEAL BREAKERS, one should enter into it hoping for the best & prepared to withstand the worse. Only children think or expect everything to be sunshine and butterflys all the time. The Bible says, I Corinthians 13:11 ¹¹ When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. As one matures, his or her understanding should along with expectations. However, with the access to social media, there is imaginery present at all times that creates false narratives, creates FOMO (FEAR OF MISSING OUT) and unrealistic expectations. Some people walk away expecting their life to look like an imagine they have seen and when it doesn’t match or line up feel as though mistakes are made and decide to end or stop a relationship based on temporary circumstances. NOTHING is all good all the time! LIFE happens in circles/cycles. To grow effectively one must experience both good & bad (that’s why that positive vibes only crap isn’t realistic). You cannot fully appreciate good if you have never experienced bad. You cannot appreciate joy if you have never felt pain. You cannot have a message without a mess or a testimony without a test! SO WHEN GOD SAYS, Romans 8:28, ²⁸ And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. That includes the “for better or worse” in your marriage as well. Anyone can enjoy the good but only a few can stay, be loyal, be intentional, grow during the ‘for worse’.

It’s funny how when we are the ones hurting, we think about all the sayings, yet when we are on the other side causing the hurt, we want grace, understanding and forgiveness. Indeed we are a selfish people so selfish in fact, we’ve begin to call THE TRUTH, my truth (which is wrong on every level). That’s a blog for another day. Nevertheless, after we’ve listed everything we refuse to put up with in a marriage, we walk away from one flawed person to the next never fully handling our on flaws. We forget first that we are flawed. Secondly, we underestimate how much our flaws hurt others and to what degree they hurt or hinder. Thirdly, we do not understand, considerate or think of the aftermath of our flaws. For every choice there is a consequence. There are immediate consequences & lingering consequences. We as a people just tend to handle everything at once, divorce or ending the relationship. That never solves the problems.

Ironically, while our standards do not allow us to deal with spouses as their worse, we expect God to take our worse. I’ll go a step further, there are times we’ve accepted other people at their worse (friends, co-workers) but then we hold our spouses to impossible standards. Unlike us, God never expects, asks or directs us to do something HE WOULDN’T OR COULDN’T DO. Regardless of how often we overlook, ignore God, HE is faithful to us. HE loves us through the mess. God even knows when we aren’t living up to what we can do. We’re not talking about an ordinary man, we’re talking about our creator! So while everyone else may buy the thought of what we can’t do, God knows what HE put within us. HE knows when we aren’t giving our best! We can fool others & even lie to ourself but NOT GOD! Yet HE still finds a way to send Grace & Mercy to us.

I’ve always been that one who expected the best! It’s what I give & what I expect in return and if it wasn’t reciprocated, anger and resentment were my go to. I was an advocate for anger. At one point, I felt my strength lay in my anger. I used it as a shield, a covering to not get or be hurt or to prevent embarassment. LOL, well you can tell from my blogs how well they didn’t work for me. There isn’t a substitute for love. Love covers a multitude of sin & evil. Love makes one vulnerable, open to the possibility of being or getting hurt. And you cannot have it’s (love) splendor and glory without the possibility of hurting. I thought I had covered my heart well but God. I figured as long as I did what was right, I wouldn’t hurt, I would be okay. Marriage/Love is about the two becoming one, not just sexually, but initimately, mentally, socially, financially and spiritually. It is a soul-tie, one that isn’t broken easy. When one hurts, the other will hurt as well. It’s not something you can break with a weekend in Vegas or by attaching yourself to someone else. God intended it that way and when God sends you someone, you definitely cannot walk away from that person easily. You are equipped for her and she is equipped for him. Outsiders will judge but their point-of-view is just that, from the outside.

God’s idea of marriage is HIS VIEW of the relationship HE has with us. When we follow HIS PLAN, the rewards are endless. My first blog about my marriage was my loveletter to my youngest son, whose belief in God isn’t so firm. My husband and I made it worse by our pispoor representation. We used God’s name, although we weren’t following God’s plan. So as my son witnesses our demise, I’m careful to make sure I do not allow him to blame God for our actions. God gives us freewill and much like we do, find our own words & thoughts to do what we want to do. Now those things only work temporarily before we derail, yet God loves us enough to watch & receive us back. It doesn’t get any more “for better or worse” than that. Think of all the times you’ve let HIM down and how when you came back, HE received you with open arms.

FOR BETTER OR WORSE