Sitting in a class titled “MAV (Motivated Against Violence)”, I heard these two words in one of the lessons.  The lesson was called “Balance”.   As the instructor was teaching she mentioned the two words above: limits and boundaries.  I must admit, as with some things we encounter, I didn’t see the significance in what I was learning at the time; however over the years those lessons have become a theme for me and anyone I help.  Never have two words freed me more than these.  In all relationships, these words are crucial for build and maintain a healthy relationship regardless of the type.  From parents to children, Pastor to members, teachers to students, parents to teachers, siblings to siblings, boyfriend to girlfriend, husband to wife and friend to friend, without boundaries and limits relationships dissolve and end.

Limits decide just how far one is willing to go in a relationship any relationship.  Limits restrict and confine the actions that will be allowed or tolerated by individuals.  People tend to do and treat us based on what we allow.   Too often we allow actions from others assuming that if the roles are reversed then they too will be understanding toward us in certain areas and when that isn’t the truth we regret what we have allowed.  Limits ensure that everyone in the relationship is safe and treated fairly.  Don’t compromise what you don’t like or aren’t willing to tolerate.   Having favor with someone isn’t worth sacrificing your beliefs and one should never do anything for others expecting a return.  Relationships are about give and take and when people take all the time or give all the time there is an imbalance in the relationship making it dysfunctional at best and abusive at worse.   People will tolerate it for only so long before wanting a change.  Set limits and stick to them, you owe it to your emotional and social well-being to not be a punching bag, doormat or entertainment.  I don’t just mean the typical abuse we tend to be familiar with as in a battered spouse but misuse in any relationship is abuse.

If you are the one who makes all the sacrifices in your relationship (of any type) then it is unhealthy and you need limits.  Fueled by the need to have people around us often we have felt that real friends will do anything for one another when in fact a real friend wouldn’t ask anyone to do for them what they are willing to do themselves.  Before feeling the need to commitment to doing something be sure #1 how you feel about doing it or feel about being asked to do something.    Limits will tell you about the friends you have or don’t have, the people around you and how they really feel about you.  Setting limits is a sure way of protecting you and the relationships because real relationships respect and earn their place in your life.

Part 2 on Wednesday