You cannot survive or thrive after being manipulated into and by a cult without knowing or gaining an understanding of leadership, more specifically ‘poor’ leadership. 

As a leader, one thing I never ever wanted to do is to lead people incorrectly or mislead people.  Having experienced and witnessed how detrimental poor leadership can be and the lingering affects it can have, I have been determined to never be that type of leader.  

I’m a thinking person, always have been.  I’m an evaluator and not just of other people.  I take selfies daily, not because I think I’m so beautiful or conceited but it’s a way of evaluating myself.  How is my make-up? How is my skin? Did I miss spots? How does ‘the look’ I’m wearing for the day, actually look on me? It’s a method of evaluating my performance.  I do it in every area.  I’ve learned to ask people to whom I speak with, how they are perceiving what I’m saying as well as the method of delivery.  I learned the hard way that people will not always be honest with you.  Although I ask for it and tell people that I desire honesty, I get lies.  I don’t know why but I do.  I’ve also learned that even when you are communicating from a place of honesty and love that doesn’t mean people receive it in that manner or that it will come across in that manner, so I ask now does this sound harsh, how did I do?  All of the precautions and evaluating occurs in an effort to be the very best version of Kim, I can be.

When you read the bio for my blog, you will see that I say, people who do not change; frighten me and that’s true.  It’s disappointing to me to see people who reach certain ages but lack wisdom.  To have lived, survived and for some of them even thrive in life and yet not have any ‘good’ advice to offer is sad.  It’s cliché.

Cliches are two-fold. A cliche can refer to an overused phrase or expression. But another definition for cliche, and the one that we’ll rely on in this article, is a worn-out idea that should’ve been put to bed a long time ago

Imagine my surprise and disappointment when through life experiences, I found myself a walking cliché.  As a minister of the Gospel, a wife, a mother, sister, friend, cousin….I literally had become extremely cliché.  I don’t mean it in the regular sense of ‘not being perfect’ by saying bad words or sipping an alcoholic beverage; none of that mundane stuff.  However, in the sense of knowing the Word, speaking the Word and not always able to apply it to my life!

Now previously I told you that I am a thinker! I evaluate myself so when I say that I didn’t apply the Word of God to me, I must be vulnerable and transparent that it was the inability of my husband and I, to see God’s Word, understand how it related to us and apply it.  Being single, thinking alone, I can see, explain things and even correct them without consulting anyone.  However, as a couple, we didn’t do that well.  While we could speak faith, hope, love and that God prevails to others; privately we struggled to operate in those words! Our inability to see that lead to multiple rollercoaster rides in the marriage.  I guess for that matter neither of us understood the foundational words of our marriage covenant, ‘for better or for worse’.   We said it but we didn’t live it. Regardless of the words spoken or the action taken, we preached Jesus, We preached God, we promoted God is in charge, God orders your steps and yet everyday we failed to choose the person God sent to us.

I’ve heard married couples say, love isn’t enough and yet run off to the next relationship thinking it’s different love or better only to realize that the issue lies within.  Love is enough! It always has been and always will be because GOD IS LOVE!  That same God chooses to love us and gave us free choice!  In the midst of our individual & collective hurt, we opted out of listening to God for direction to get back on course instead, we talked to other flawed people who would give the flawed advice we desired in efforts to be heard and to be right.  Those conversations lead to the dissolving of something we both knew and said, God began.  Basically, making a choice to ignore, disobey and in a sense call God a lie in the placing of us together.  Now as I type this, allow me to be transparent, I’m still a thinker, an evaluator and a corrector.  However, I definitely have moments, but I never give up.  I’m a seeker so I want answers and when I see my transgression, correction for me will always follow, why? Because I never wanted to be cliché.  I never wanted to be someone who says one thing and does another!  That’s not my style!  However, I cannot make anyone else do anything differently.  Believe me for years, I’ve tried.  Growth is personal and must be desired.  Not only that the hardest person to minister to is someone with whom you live and knows all about you!  It makes it harder for them to hear or receive from you.  There will be moments that they can and then there will be those moments when their hurt or pain eliminates the ability to trust or hear your partner, especially when they have hurt you.  

Being a minister of love and spirit to one another isn’t easy.  It’s easy to speak life into someone with whom you can leave, walk away or have space.  However, to do it with someone day in and day out as well as deal with their fleshy shortcomings and still have respect/love is a task not for the faint of heart. It is why our marriages must be done in the Spirit realm not in our fleshy world.  God can and will connect those who appear unlikely to mesh, but actually fit better than you can imagine.  I’ve had many tell me (assuming it was a compliment) that they were unsure about my union and vice versa people would speak to my spouse concerning me.  Unfortunately, faith cometh by hearing.  While the people may hope to speak life to the individual, you cannot speak against one’s spouse without directly speaking ABOUT THE SPOUSE! So when they spoke about my husband, they were speaking about me and vice versa!  Our spouses are mirrors of ourselves.  You know how when you take a selfie it’s your image but from the opposite angle? So too are our spouses!  From the angle of our perception, we see ourselves different and dare I say better but in reality, we are more similar.  The other dynamic about this is that the people that wanted to speak against one of us, didn’t really know either of us AND IF THAT SAME INSIGHT was applied to them would have either a) been totally offended or b) not have a spouse to speak on or about or c) miserable and wanted company.

Being cliché is a thorn for me especially since my child was hurt due to the lack of following the Word we’ve been preaching.  I have to speak this sincerely and honestly because if this was any other leader, I would have spoken the same things about them and even harsher.  I always hold leadership to a higher standard! So, when I don’t achieve it, I speak on myself as well.  Honestly, I didn’t know how far off from the standard we had become as individuals and as a couple.

As Christians, we represent God or should.  That’s why it is always best to be slow to speak! Listen more, talk less.  In our efforts to teach people or be impressive or be a blessing to others, we can lose ourselves.  It sounds good to say, I put me to the side but it’s not the compliment we think.  God tells us to love others as ourselves….so if you aren’t always placing you on the back burner, how well are you really treating those that you say you love?

Words are the ULTIMATE BOOMERANG….. I have a T-Shirt that says that and it is so true.

God’s Word never returns void, and it is a two-edge sword, you cannot speak it to others assuming you will not experience it for yourself.  Again, Words we know, Words we both shared and Words we somehow have been unable to live.

EITHER HE’S LORD OF ALL or lord not at all!

THE cliché of all all…………………………………………. PART ONE